Once upon a time, I had a hard heart towards parents with different children. From children who threw tantrums to those with learning disorders, my mind turned judgmental towards their parents. Though I never spoke these horrible thoughts aloud, I am ashamed that they lived in me. God totally weeded this out of my mind and heart when Micaela joined our family. It is one of countless ways I have seen God use the trials that come with being a mother of a Special Needs child. Our trials can be dark and desperate times in our lives, but we have an opportunity to use them in the best possible way. When we ask God to open our hearts and minds to what we are living through, we will find that he is using our challenges to bring about beautiful changes in our world. As we go through these hard seasons or as we evaluate them from the other side, we need to be intentional about using them to grow. Trials help us:
I smiled as I wrote this list. I don’t mean to make our trials sound desirable, but I wanted to bring a little hope to one of you today. I remember the moments where I sat viewing the desperate chaos of my world and wondering if it would ever be okay again. And it was okay, it was better than okay. We all need to let ourselves be molded by The Potter if we are ever going to become His work of art. Those who are at ease have contempt for misfortune as the fate of those whose feet are slipping. What have you learned through your own life struggles?
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That tiny pouting lip almost undid me. Micaela looked so confused. So upset. The technician silently plastered the glue and electrodes, looked at his monitor, and re-positioned the wires connected amidst her mop of curls. Micaela sobbed. My arms shook from keeping her in place. I turned my head to cough. We were both miserable. The technician finally finished placing the wires. He wrapped her little head in gauze and said, “Okay. We’ll run the test for 45-60 minutes. Remember, we need her to sleep for at least 15. I’ll observe from across the hall and then come in to do the flashing lights at the end.” He started to leave and then turned back. “Oh, and don’t forget, she can’t move. Keep her as still as possible.” And, with a flip of the light switch, he was gone. In the dim light Micaela continued to squirm and scream. Oh, God, I prayed, how is she possibly going to sleep after this? I made comforting shushing noises, and prayed. Calm and peace entered me. It would be okay. I just needed to keep her in place. I put warm hands on her shoulders. The minutes ticked by. Every time Micaela seemed to settle, she would start up a fight again. Half an hour felt like an eternity and we were no closer to settling into unconsciousness. I started to panic. We needed her to sleep. We needed answers. We waited four months for this EEG. God, please. Please help us. In my mind, I pictured all the friends and family that were praying for us, right then, right at that moment. It reminded me that God was there in the room with us and it was all in His hands. The panic melted away into calm once again. I swallowed. Micaela’s eyelids flickered. Her body relaxed. Her breathing slowed. She was asleep. I looked at the clock. We had exactly 15 minutes left. By the time the EEG finished my arms were shaking from exhaustion but my heart was elated. God heard our prayers. And, He was working to our success before we even made it to the exam room. Micaela arrived sleep-deprived because I wasn’t able to get on the road to Albuquerque until late the night before. And then, at exactly 4am that morning, a framed painting fell off the wall breaking with a crash and waking Micaela. Funny, I was so sick that night that I wasn’t going to wake her up even though the EEG instructions said to wake her at 4am. God made sure things happened like they were supposed to. And, I know, I would not have had the strength or peace to keep Micaela restrained for so long if God were not keeping me close to Him. Sometimes miracles are big, huge, events, but other times, the miracles are the incredible series of little pieces falling in place to answer a prayer. That was us this week. Because Micaela fell asleep, her neurologist found the part of the brain that has been causing the seizures and the information will help us establish a treatment plan for her. I am so thankful. Thank you for those prayers. Sometimes we pray for others, not knowing if those words are heard, but I want you to know that God heard you and your acts of love helped us through a very difficult time. Thank you. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Have you ever witnessed something miraculous in answer to a prayer for someone else? Taking care of yourself as a mother isn’t complicated, but it does take dedication. Our hearts want us to focus only on others. Our minds worry that there isn’t enough time. Our bodies feel too tired to consider yet another task. Remember two things: 1. You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself. 2. You are a beautiful child of God who deserves to be cared for, too. So, next time you are feeling worn, look at this infographic and consider how you could be treating yourself to some better self-care. A wife of noble character who can find? Was this article helpful? Share it with a friend. Women are naturally caretakers for those around us, but we can get so caught up in our role that we begin to develop habits that make us both unhealthy and unhappy. Look at the list below and identify any that you are particularly guilty of. 1) Frequent sleep deprivation When pushed to get something done, using our sleep time seems like an easy answer. Or, when we are needing time to relax we stay up late, knowing we will pay for it later. The problem is, everything starts to crack when we don’t get enough sleep. Studies shows that sleep deprivation makes us feel angry and frustrated. It makes it difficult for us to focus, retain memories, and even engage socially with friends. Tomorrow isn’t going to be better because you watched one more episode of your favorite show or got that last load of laundry put away. Tomorrow has its best shot at being beautiful if you begin with a well-rested body, heart, and head. 2) Giving no priority to our diet and exercise We skip breakfast, eat what our toddlers eat, guzzle caffeine, forget where we put our water bottle, and decide there are more important things than taking a walk. Woah there, sister. That body that you depend on to change diapers and get the grocery shopping needs some respect. It will start to tell on you if you ignore the needs of your body for too long. 3) Quality time with Spouse and Children, Friends and family Quality time means doing a single activity with your loved ones and enjoying those moments with them. It is so easy to get in a rut of preparing dinner and washing laundry for our family that we forget to stop and simply enjoy them. 4) Multitasking—during quality time, quiet time, any time Multitasking is one big fat lie. The reality is we only attend well to one thing at a time. So, if we multitask our focus and quality of work plummets. Plus, it starts to make us feel insane. Don’t worry, sweetheart, God has your back. Take a deep breath and give yourself license to do one thing at a time. 5) Quiet time. Introverted? Extroverted? It doesn’t matter. That quiet time, alone with our own thoughts and God, helps us reboot. It gives us room to think about what we are doing, how we are feeling, and what is important. Without this, the world can either morph into exhausting auto-pilot, or spin out of control into chaos. 6) Negative Thoughts If your life is anything like mine, we are already pretty low on head space. There is too much to remember and too much to do. Worse, we are low on heart-space too. Our role puts us in situations where we must help others deal with emotional crisis. So, those negative thoughts about our life and self must be cut out. If your head and heart were a refrigerator, would you stash away a bag of moldy potatoes inside. No way! Learn new ways of thinking so your heart and mind are filled with good and healthy things. 7) Saying No to Help I’m so guilty of this one. For years I tried to handle my kids and family with little-to-no outside assistance. I didn’t want to burden anyone nor did I want to admit that I was not capable of doing it on my own. However, about a year ago I had an epiphany: God did not design child-raising to be a lonely job. In the age of Abraham and Sarah, raising a child and caring for the sick was done with an entire group of family and workers alongside you. This idea that we must handle it on our own isn’t Biblical, it is a concept our society has created. Stay tuned. Our next blog post is all about how you can turn these habits around and become your own best advocate for health and happiness and become an even better wife, mother, friend, spouse, or caretaker. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Can you think of some other ways you undermine your health and happiness?
I was fairly certain the roof shuddered as the last syllable came from my mouth. It had been a bad day. No, it had been a horrible one. Both the girls were whiny, defiant, and inconsolable messes. To top it off, since we had spent much of the week visiting with family, I had a list of chores that could have wrapped around planet earth. By the end of the day my patience was all gone. It was bath time. Adela and Micaela seemed angry about everything—water temperature, bath bubbles, toys, hair washing, etc. As their complaints resounded on the bathroom walls, my frustration built. And then, I exploded. I can’t remember what I said, but I know exactly what their faces looked like. I was very ugly with them. As I finished bathing them in near silence, I felt so ashamed. What had I done? Okay, I could just say that I’m human. I know. But I want more for my daughters than a mom who is hurtful with her words whenever she is feeling frazzled. Thankfully, I found some priceless Biblical solutions to put in place the next time I am starting to feel too close to the edge. If you are struggling with this too, perhaps you’ll find these tips helpful.
I thank God that His mercies are new every morning and that my girls are small and won’t remember everything about that day. Little by little we are all being changed into better children of God. Hallelujah! It will take time for me to learn self-control and safe guard my words. I will just have to trust God to grow me in this. Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth;
Do you struggle with watching over the words you say as you interact with others?
Have you ever read a novel in which you refused to go on to the happy ending because you kept re-reading the chapters of despair and sorrow?
Yeah. That’s what I thought. I don’t either. I love those happy endings. It is painful to see the characters suffering and struggling. Getting to the end where the hero wins, the guy gets the girl, and justice is served, that is the reason I read the book in the first place. In life, however, I have re-lived over and over the painful moments of memory. For a long time, I returned to the minutes that I held Isabela as she passed away, the moment I turned away and left mom as she cried (the last time I saw her here on earth), and the sickening moment I stared at Micaela’s MRI and saw all the destruction of her brain. I returned to those memories over and over in a cycle of pain and grief. Adela received a super book for her birthday, 5-Minute Princess Stories. The stories, beautifully illustrated, are short enough to hold her attention and meaty enough to feed her growing mind. We were reading the story of Cinderella and the Lost Mice. In the story, the mice were about to be thrown into the cold when Micaela’s feeding machine started to beep. I apologized to Adela and had to put down the book and get Micaela settled into a nap. Frustrated, Adela flipped through the story, staring at the pictures, and asking me what happened. Until I could sit down again with the book, Adela had no peace. The rest of the story had to be known. She was not content stuck at the part when it looked like those cute little mice were about to freeze to death outside. That is a completely normal and healthy reaction, right? In time, I had to choose to be healthy, too. Those moments that I kept clinging to were not the end of the story. Until I moved on and embraced God’s beautiful plan, I was stuck in a cycle of pain. The reality is, Isabela’s story did not end when her heart stopped. She is beautiful and God’s joy in heaven. My story with my mother did not end when I let her hand go and walked away because it was time to leave that day. She is sainted and cheering me on as I live out God’s plan for me on Earth. And that MRI was in no way the end of Micaela’s future. Her story continues to unfold with the loving miracles of my Heavenly Father. It took a long time to learn to stop clinging to the dark moments. But as I chose to embrace the beauty of those stories, I was able to step into new amounts of joy and memories that were not shadowed by grief. God set me free simply by turning my head to look upon the rest of the story and seeing all the love that lies there. Are there moments or memories that you still cling to, full of pain and sorrow? Have you asked God to show you the rest of the story? Day 1: I liberally dumped milk into the steaming coffee. The cold liquid brought down the temperature. It did not singe my throat when I gulped a few seconds later. I mixed a second cup and trudged to the kitchen table. My bleary eyes gazed down at the words of my Bible. I drug a hand through wayward hair and prayed, “God, this is going to get easier, right?” It did. A long time ago, before children and traveling, I used to get up early each morning to read my Bible and pray. That ritual went out the window with newborns and a working husband needing an early breakfast. But I remembered how vital it had been to start my day on solid ground. This year my husband started a new job and it was tough for me to adjust to our new schedule. Each day got progressively harder and more frustrating. Adela became defiant and Micaela’s antics with increasing mobility kept me on my toes. Quiet time found during the day dwindled. Nothing about me was okay anymore. I was grouchy and filled with self-pity. I began to battle anger and resentment. I felt like I was slowly changing into a monster. I knew that the answer had to begin with God. But when could I go to Him and have that one-on-one relationship grow? There was only one answer: Mornings. So I did. It has been 90 days now of me waking 30 minutes before I need to start cooking breakfast. I won’t lie, the first couple weeks were difficult, but now I love it. We all need this. There is nothing wrong with including God in the daily activities of our lives, but, remember that the best friendships are cultivated by giving full attention and priority in our hearts. These mornings that I wake, read my Bible, write in my Prayer Journal, and meditate on scripture, are my best days. I feel like I begin the day completely ready for the challenges that will come. I have an extra dose of peace in my soul and an extra measure of love in my heart. Lord knows I am desperate for that right now. This habit began feeling like a sacrifice of time and rest, but now it has become a blessing I am eager to claim each morning. God said, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8, ESV If you are struggling to find our own special time with God, I want to encourage you today to take a leap and put a new habit in practice. There are so many amazing ways to connect with God. There is personal Bible study, creative devotionals, podcasts with gifted ministers, Bible journaling, and much much more. I made a Pinterest board with devotional time ideas that might provide information and motivation to help you move forward in a stronger foundation of devotion time with God. All of us have hearts that crave a closer relationship, a special friendship, with our Heavenly Father. Let us seek Him out daily and be blessed. I rise before dawn and cry for help;
What daily devotional routines and resources have personally touched your relationship with our Heavenly Father? Comment below.
It is hard to imagine what Adela’s world is like. With a sibling who has so many special needs, she has to watch parents, family, friends, neighbors, etc give much attention and care to her sister while she is left in “normal” standing. Worse, when we have days involving ambulances and an airlift to a hospital, she is left entirely on the sideline, wondering what is happening to her world.
When I finally accepted respite care, it was nice to have the breathing room to give Adela complete and undivided attention. Doing things like taking her to the Dinosaur Museum and cuddling while watching a movie, have been so good for both of us. I love this little girl. She has an amazing sense of humor and a huge heart. It has been fun to let her know that. We have even incorporated little inside jokes and traditions, just me and her. A couple weeks ago I noticed her displaying outward attention and attentiveness to other children and Micaela. Surprised, I watched her do things like make sure a couple of girls had straws for their drinks, making sure a friend was covered up by a blanket after a dip in the pool, and running to get Micaela’s glasses in the morning. Excited by the sweet change, I told a friend. My friend smiled and exclaimed, “Oh, her little cup runneth over!” Like someone hit me over the head, I finally got it. We are all designed to give to and care for others from the overflow of love inside us. That is why it is so important we constantly go to our Heavenly Father and be filled with His peace, joy, wisdom, and love so that we can give to others from the overflow. For months, I have been trying to mold Adela’s behavior and have felt like a potter working with jello. However, once her needs of love were met, it was natural and easy to treat others with respect and affection. If you have a child who is struggling with their behavior, try using the love languages to fill their hearts with how important they are to you, and how much you care for them. Words of Affirmation: Let your child know how special they are and how much you love doing things with them. Don’t be general, be specific. Tell them you love how they make animal noises or how well they did drying the dishes. Quality Time: Do something with that child one-on-one. Watch a movie, read a book, do a craft. Or, involve family and friends and let your child decide what the activity will be. Make sure you avoid things that will draw your attention away from your child such as spending time on the phone or social media. Gifts: It doesn’t have to be anything big, it is the thought that counts. An older child might enjoy a trinket you had personalized for them. A small child would be ecstatic with a treat. Make it a surprise, something you got for them just because you love them. Physical Affection: Take the time to hug, cuddle, tickle, and rough house with your child. It is amazing how huge that physical connection is. A loving touch hold a great deal of power. Acts of Service: Do something for them. Serve them dinner with extra flare. Help them finish a task that has been difficult for them. Just as our Father in Heaven does for us, may we remember to fill our children with love and caring so that they can interact with others with an overflowing heart. I am constantly so proud of the strong little girls that God blessed me with and pray that I always prioritize their precious hearts.
Was this article helpful? Is there something you would like to include for parent who might be struggling in this area? Micaela quickly lost her cool. She held her hand out to the shelves of toys and made frantic noises. I could guess what she was after. The school bus, a current favorite, perched out of reach. I asked her, “Do you want the bus, Micaela? Bus?” I said the word, exagerating the “B” sound beginning. It was a word she could almost imitate. “Bus?” Micaela’s eyes widened. She whined, reaching her hand upward. Part of me wanted to give in. I could pick up the bus, set it down in front of her, and she would be mostly happy for a while. But, she needs to speak. It took five more minutes before Micaela finally opened her mouth and tried to say the word. These are painful days. We know Micaela is working on talking, so we have to give her ample opportunity to work on new words. It is hard for me. As her caretaker, I know her every mood and expression and can accurately guess what she needs or wants. But, if Micaela is going to grow, she needs to start using her voice. Parenting is often challenging and frustrating, but I love how much I learn about my Heavenly Father in this season. I too have had to learn to speak and find my “voice” when talking to God. For a long time, I prayed to God saying words that I believed He wanted to hear. I was more concerned with how I appeared to Him than I was about having a true connection. How silly, God saw it all anyways. When I finally took off that mask and prayed to Him with an open heart, my words often tumbled into incoherent rambles. Today, I love praying with Him. It is sweet conversation with a loving father, an understanding friend, and a generous wise teacher. God had to push me to find that voice. He had to hold back some of His peace and joy, challenging me to come to Him without a mask and use words meant just for Him. We’ve got a long road ahead of us with Micaela. Her brain injuries were severe in areas involving speech and muscle control, but she cannot improve without us pushing her forward. Just as we will never find ourselves in true communication with our Heavenly Father until we throw off the masks and give Him an open heart and mind. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. Do you ever feel like you are holding back your true voice from God? Sometimes it rains. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes the snows come too hard, or not at all. I’ve lived in agriculture my whole life. Born to a rancher and later married to cowboy, I have watched the seasons rock our world. So much in this lifestyle is unpredictable and uncontrollable. Prayer and faith become essential to retaining peace. Those who live in agriculture have a special opportunity to witness God’s awesome power in nature and come to trust in His plans and care. It is so amazing watching these people, farmers and ranchers, live through the rough times and celebrate the bountiful seasons. I’ve watched families have to sell off all their cattle, get jobs in town, and still rejoice in God’s provision. I’ve watched those same families re-stock, plow up their fields, and praise God when their crops come in. For a lifestyle that requires such intense labor, it is precious to notice how most still believe that they cannot do any of it without their Heavenly Father. Brandings for me have come to be a celebration of God’s care. As each calf is counted, vaccinated, and marked, ranchers celebrate the new generation of livestock. It is such a thankful time, shared with neighbors and families. It also brings hope. Hope that the fall harvest and shipping will come and another year will end well. I will be honest, sometimes I wish I came from a family where life and income felt more secure, a life where seasons did not change the number of hours my husband had to be out plowing, calving, lambing, or harvesting. Sometimes I wish we had a life where the number of rains would not determine how much we made for the year or a life where a bad snow did not put our animals in danger. But, I also think of all the hours I’ve spent with my Heavenly Father because I needed my fears soothed, my worries put at ease. I will take the connection over the perceived insecurity. After all, my hope is in Him alone. Are there aspects of your own life that bring you closer to God? |
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