 Jovani holding Miceala at the Pheonix aquarium after a trip to Pheonix Children's Hospital I had my 5th cup of coffee in one hand and a spoonful of peanutbutter in the other. Micaela had finally stopped screaming and crying. She had a seizure at 5am this morning and the rescue meds always make her angry and unreasonable for hours. I was fighting back a million deadly lies in my head. Lies that said my life isn't fair. Lies that said my child is too much or too broken. Lies that said my world will never be okay. Oh, you cannot do this without God. You cannot. There isn't enough Psychologists and happy pills in the world that will keep your chin up and your heart full of love, not just for your child but for every teacher or therapist that works with her. Even the ones you don't see eye-to-eye with. Especially the ones you don't see eye-to-eye with. You cannot do this without God. When you've reached the end of yourself after a night of seizure care or a trip to the emergency room and still have to keep your eyes open to face the harsh sunlight of day, you will have to know that an all-knowing, all-seeing God is holding you up and you do not face this alone. You cannot do this without God. When your child's development slows to a crawl and you question her existance and purpose, you have to know that the God who set the stars in the sky crafted your child's very soul. A bright and brilliant soul that the angels watch over. This child's journey is not a mistake. It never has been. No matter how short the journey is. You cannot do this without God. When you watch the world pass by with its busy order of things and your friends' kids are spelling when yours is not talking yet. When you cannot hold a job or fight for a dream because your hours are spent serving, you have to know that God sees every movement of your hands as worship to Him. You have accepted the beautiful assignment of raising this child. Of protecting her. Oh, my dear, you cannot do this without God. It's too dark without Him. In Him is all the light to open you up to peace that you don't have to control it all, know it all, do it all right, and have all the answers. You cannot do this without rest. True rest. Soul-weary rest. He is waiting for you. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. If I can pray for you, please email me at lora.armendariz@gmail.com
6 Comments
 How many of you do the thing. You know the thing. The one- word-thing for the New Year? I love the concept. You think of all the hopes and dreams you have for the next 12 months and you give it a name. A one-word focus. As a writer, this makes total sense to me. You see, a piece of writing is often more powerful the more concise it is. That is one reason I like to keep my blog posts around 500 words. If I can't get it said in that amount of verbage, then perhaps I don't even know what I'm saying. I do have a hope for 2020. I want learn to have fun again. I want to go back to creating, to laughing regularly, to not having every minute scheduled, to not having every day planned. I want to discover the secret of a frivolous soul where not everything in life carries weight. I want to easy the burdens off my heart and give to others without constant calculation of cost. Cost of time. Cost of money. Cost of focus. I am such a type A, enneagram 1, perfectionist, reformer personality. I want out of my own cage. Yes, it has served me well as I care for my family, as I parent my girls, as I manage farm and home responsibilities. But, I've forgotten how to trust God with the seconds of my life . To breathe. To stop running. What is my word? Perhaps, gasp, it needs to actually be that horrifying word: frivolous. I need to find my frivolous soul again. The one that loved sketching for hours and watching Little Mermaid while I mopped the kitchen floor. The one that played board games and could sit and chat with friends for hours without looking at the time as if the clock were my constant overseer. Frivolous. Well, for now, at least I've thought about it. What about you? Have you found a word? Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, Please, take a moment and share your word for 2020. |
Click on the button above to receive newsletters, weekly encouragement
and a FREE resources. "...and God was already there with me."
The
|
RSS Feed