You Cannot do This Without God

Jovani holding Miceala at the Pheonix aquarium after a trip to Pheonix Children's Hospital

​I had my 5th cup of coffee in one hand and a spoonful of peanutbutter in the other. Micaela had finally stopped screaming and crying. She had a seizure at 5am this morning and the rescue meds always make her angry and unreasonable for hours. I was fighting back a million deadly lies in my head. Lies that said my life isn't fair. Lies that said my child is too much or too broken. Lies that said my world will never be okay.

Oh, you cannot do this without God.
You cannot.

There isn't enough Psychologists and happy pills in the world that will keep your chin up and your heart full of love, not just for your child but for every teacher or therapist that works with her. Even the ones you don't see eye-to-eye with. Especially the ones you don't see eye-to-eye with.

You cannot do this without God.

When you've reached the end of yourself after a night of seizure care or a trip to the emergency room and still have to keep your eyes open to face the harsh sunlight of day, you will have to know that an all-knowing, all-seeing God is holding you up and you do not face this alone.

You cannot do this without God.

When your child's development slows to a crawl and you question her existance and purpose, you have to know that the God who set the stars in the sky crafted your child's very soul. A bright and brilliant soul that the angels watch over. This child's journey is not a mistake. It never has been. No matter how short the journey is.

You cannot do this without God.

When you watch the world pass by with its busy order of things and your friends' kids are spelling when yours is not talking yet. When you cannot hold a job or fight for a dream because your hours are spent serving, you have to know that God sees every movement of your hands as worship to Him. You have accepted the beautiful assignment of raising this child. Of protecting her. 

Oh, my dear, you cannot do this without God.

It's too dark without Him. 
In Him is all the light to open you up to peace that you don't have to control it all, know it all, do it all right, and have all the answers.

You cannot do this without rest. True rest. Soul-weary rest.

​He is waiting for you. 
​

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
​John 3:16, NIV 

If I can pray for you, please email me at
lora.armendariz@gmail.com