I curled Adela's little body into my lap and squeezed her tight. She smiled at me and giggled. We both know that she is rapidly getting bigger and that body doesn't fit into my arms as neatly as it did. But, never mind, hugs are often the glue that keeps our hearts intact these days. I held her tight to me. Touch is so powerful, isn't it? I cannot count the number of times in my life that a hug has made me feel stable when my world was rocky. A single kiss from my husband confirms ours affection and deep love for each other. The warm grasp of a friend's hand relays sympathy or shares in my joy. But physical touch is not for all of us. It just isn't. I know several sweet friends who simply "aren't huggers". For them, physical touch does not relay that deepness of caring. These people are impacted more by heartfelt words and actions than they ever could be if someone held their hand. In the four gospel books of the Bible--Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John--I am struck by how much Jesus' life on earth was full of touch. He used touch to heal the sick, lame, and the blind. He touched through the loving praises of the faith of believers and the tender innocence of children. He touched through service as he fed thousands and washed the feet of His disciples. He was constantly touching others. What about us? How much do I withdraw into myself on those bad days and feel my skin too prickly and my words to be full of anger? How much do I resent providing for the needs of my family and do my work with half a heart? What is my touch like to those around me? But I am learning something amazing about touch. Today I might have needed that embrace with Adela much more than my four-year-old did. A tension headache has pulsed at the bottom of my scull for days. It is momentarily relieved by a good laugh, a visit from a friend, or devotional time with my Bible. But it comes back, a painful beat keeping rhythm with my anxious heart. My mind is filled with Micaela's hurts, preparing for five or more days of doctors/clinics in Albuquerque, and packing up Adela to spend a week with her grandparents. I am not quite at my wit's-end, but I am horribly aware that my thoughts and attitude need altering. That moment I spent with Adela wrapped in my arms was the highlight of a very long day. And that was when I realized something amazing about touch. When you touch someone through the gentle squeeze of a hand, heart felt words of love, or acts of service, you are touched too. When we reach out, filled with God's love pouring through us, we are touched as thoroughly and deeply as the person we sought to reach. Touch is not a one way street but an impact of hearts. How often does everyone out there get a hug? A smile? A comment spoke to warm their day? My life is in constant contact with others because little ones fill my home and fill my heart. Touch is a consistent part of my world. And, so are words of praise and encouragement. As I focus on telling Adela and Micaela positive things I fill my home with the touch of words. As I lovingly care for my family's needs I fill my home with the touch of service. And each time I scoop my children up in my arms or hold my husband's hand I fill my home with loving physical touch. As the trip to Albuquerque looms ahead of me, I think of all the parents I will meet in waiting rooms, the friends I will reconnect with, and the dozens of strangers that will collide with my life. I pray for God to fill me with love and understanding so that I can touch lives in His way. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.
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Life without carrots would be horrifically boring. I'm not saying that because I have rabbit-like tendencies (though I do love my veggies). A "carrot" is another term used to describe a reward or reason for working. Perhaps I am secretly a very un-motivated person, because my life is filled with prizes I use to keep myself moving forward. Rewards are essential for the stay-at-home life. We usually don't have many people around us telling us we have done a good job. Nor do we have clock-out times or commute time to decompress. We are our own bosses, more or less. Though supportive husbands, appreciative children, and loving friends & family keep us strong, we also are in charge of encouraging ourselves. You don't have anybody but yourself watching what you do or what you accomplish. I know how frustrating that is. By 9am you might have the house immaculate with happy children who have read books and did art. But by 5:30pm when your spouse comes home the floor is littered with chaos and grungy grumpy children answer the door. Nobody but you knows you spent the day cleaning, teaching, caring, cooking, and organizing. But YOU know. And more than likely whether or not you rewarded yourself with 10 minutes of crosswords puzzles or a iced tea as you chatted with a friend, the 5:30pm result would be the same. The only difference is you--an emotionally healthy human being who feels appreciated and successful. Your spouse wants that person to meet him/her at the door and your kids what that person putting them to bed, not the frazzled, angry, human who didn't get a break today and desperately needed one. I have not kept a job outside of the home for over five years. At first it was difficult for me. As a teacher I always had the drive of deadlines and learning goals to keep me focused and active. When that was gone I was stuck in a weird cycle of working-too-much and not-hardly-working at all. I had no balance. And balance, no matter where or for whom you work, is key. If you are a stay-at-home body (parent, stay-at-home job, retired, etc) I recommend trying a reward system of your own. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, but it can help you keep your drive and enthusiasm for each day. Plus, who wouldn't want a world in which you get to pick your own goals and prizes? Just today I have lined up the following rewards: A serving of jelly belly jelly beans if I exercise and eat healthy today. Micaela's entire nap full of writing for me if I finish the house chores. A walk outside as soon as I finish the laundry. Uninterrupted audio book and drawing time after the girls have gone to bed. As you can see, each prize is designed around my own interests and personality. I also use a good movie, reading, social networking (but I have to give myself a time limit or I will fall into that black hole of Facebook and Pinterest forever), and baking as prizes to keep myself motivated. Sound fun? It is. This is very simple. 1. Make a list of things you enjoy, both big and small. 2. Think about how you could break up your day with short rests & rewards. Think of bigger rewards for weekly or end-of-day prizes. 3. Assign appropriate incentives for chores, errands, etc. that allows for a balance of both productivity and rest. 4. Get started and enjoy. My carrot system also eases a lot guilty feelings for me. I think "I can sit down and enjoy a chapter of my novel. I just finished all the cleaning chores of the day. I can work on the bills in a moment. I earned this." instead of saying, "Oh, my goodness. It is already 11am and I haven't even started doing paperwork. Guess I will keep going." Because though I can keep going, by the end of the day I am not looking forward to tomorrow at all except that there will be another pot of coffee to drink. Most of all, your reward system has the potential to make you even more productive. 1. It motivates you. There is always going to days when you don't feel like doing this all over again or you want to procrastinate important jobs that need doing. A reward will get you going and give you something to look forward to. 2. It keeps you focused. Multitasking has been proved over and over to be less productive than focusing on one thing at a time. If you concentrate on doing one thing so you can get to your prize you will find that you get more done in less time. 3. It reminds you of your successes. You do a lot of thankless jobs. Not that nobody appreciates them, simply no one is around to see your hard work. But you can remind yourself to feel satisfied in your own accomplishments. Take care of yourself. Recognize your worth, your uniqueness, and all the things you do for your home and family. You deserve to be cared for and if you care about your family, then you should be taking extra-awesome care of your family's chef, housekeeper, child-care provider, smile-maker, and encourager. May your day be fun and full of carrots. And may it be a very blessed day. Have you ever had a goal, one that shone brilliant and bright before you? You knew it was the right way, the right thing. But, making progress towards that goal felt something like trying to carry a ton of gold up a hill? I have a couple goals like that. Today I wanted to be honest about where I am in my health and share my struggles. When I was 21 I found out that I have incredibly high cholesterol with the overall number in the 300s and the bad cholesterol nearing 200 (that is the cholesterol numbers you would expect to find in a grizzly bear, not a young lady at a healthy weight). For a while I tried to eat healthy and was on medication. We got it down to a less alarming number. But, then I had kids and more or less put all thoughts about the physical condition of my heart on hold. My last checkup showed the cholesterol levels were worse than ever. Time for change. Change means cardio work-out, letting go of sweets and chips, and becoming as healthy as I possibly can. In theory I am totally on-board with the change and excited to become fit and disciplined. But the day-to-day reality is often disheartening. One little change in routine or a day of heightened frustration and I flippantly put all my good intentions on hold. Lately I've done a lot of praying about and studying my Bible and have found these truths. 1. In my mind I am ready to give up. In my self-talk I do not build myself up, reminding myself that I can do it and that I don't need that chocolate or those salted peanuts. Instead I lament about how hard life is and how I deserve the smallest little thing that can take an edge off the difficulties of life. The cure: Instead of telling myself that I need those unhealthy things, I should celebrate that I am able to take care of my body now, to cultivate a stronger me that is able to better deal with whatever comes. My self-talk needs to turn living healthy from a stress into a luxury. 2. I have no plan. For some reason I have expected the world to simply bring success to my doorstep. As if healthy eating options are going to be magically easier and more desirable to eat than the spoonfulls of peanutbutter my four year-old consumes. Lucky girl. The cure: Plan week-long menus before I go grocery shopping so that I know what I can eat each day and will have it ready when hunger strikes. 3. Exercise has no priority. It doesn't. I say "I'm going to run today." or "I will do those ab exercises at some point." But I don't. There is just too much on my plate. From the moment my feet touch the bedroom floor it is just go, go, go until I am brushing my teeth for bed. The cure: Give exercise a top spot on my list. I need to do it. It will feel luxurious to allow taking care of myself to become important. I remember, nobody wants me to break down right now, especially not me. So I need to take care of myself. 4. I have excluded God. This has become an area of my life that I have forgotten to invite God into. It feels so little, so trivial next to my concerns as a mother and a wife. But, God knows even better than I do that this body of mine must do His will and carry out His works. The cure: I am praying about it. I am talking to God about how much I want to make a batch of no-bake cookies and how my low energy levels makes working out seem pretty impossible. Funny, but when I discuss it with my Heavenly Father I am given an accountability that makes my living choices simple. In a world and society where fleshly pleasure surround us, it is no mystery why so many of us struggle with diet-related health issues. I am not going to let the world win. God in me is so much stronger than a Cambell's Soup ad. He is. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. My heart smiles a lot these days. It is the sunshine. A couple months ago my world was all indoors, but the weather has changed. And a garden was planted. And we have a dog, two cats, and eighteen chickens. And I'm running again. I am outdoors several times every day and I am so thankful. Winter is over. I will admit it. My little life got stuck in a rut. Attitudes and poor habits became so routine I could not even see them anymore. And the things I saw and knew needed change or improvement I could not muster the energy to do anything about. Then the world changed and it was no longer comfortable to stay where I was. I had to change too. How precious that we are given a zap as the seasons change to take steps forward on goals we had nearly buried in the trying months before. With the sunshine I reaffirm my healthy lifestyle of both eating and exercising. I have new energy to organize closets and corners. I approach budgets and billing with hope and faith. I want to see my girls learn and come along side them in their wonderful world of play. I want to take walks with my husband and talk about nothing and everything. With the sun shining so brightly on my world there is little space for darkness and dread. It is powerful. Take advantage of this yummy sunshine today. Write down a worry or goal that you feel is looming over you. Throw on some sun protection--it is really is powerful, that sunshine :) And get outdoors while you meditate and pray on it. Do some singing and some walking and some weeding (literally and figuratively). Allow God's sun to shed light on your world and invigorate your heart and soul. You will see answers you never considered. You will have hope that you thought impossible. Happy days of sunshine to you all. And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years Micaela looked down at her braces with an interesting mix of curiosity and horror. I watched and held my breath. Would she cry? Would she protest? I stayed near, ready to come and hold her, distract her if she became upset that she still had these clunky braces stuck to her legs. But after a few moments she found a block lying a foot away and threw herself down on the floor so she could reach out and grab it. Her movements were clumsy and awkward. My heart sank. It had taken us months to get where we were with our mobility. And now these braces. It was like we had spent half a year taking two steps forward and would be sent three steps back. Micaela let out a frustrated growl. Her legs seemed to move lethargically. I bit my lip. I talked to her, making my voice extra-perky, but that smart little girl knew better and continued to protest. I played with her and talked with her, but eventually life kept moving forward and I had to walk away, leave her to play on her own. She did not move much that morning. That afternoon I gave her a break from the braces and she gleefully rolled around, free from restriction. That night she slept with them on. The specialist recommended that she keep them on about 23 hours a day. Day two. She figured out how to take them off and chew on them. I was reattaching braces to her legs all day long. Micaela loved it. Finally a game she could endorse. I threw tighter pants and rubber-footed socks on her for day three. Her game was over. I waited for the crying and frustration, but she was over it. She threw herself on the ground and began to explore the house. When I found her in the kitchen chewing on tomatillo skins I cocked my head and said, "Goodness, love, you are much more resilient than I am." She is. Why? Because she does not get caught up in her plight in life, she does not ponder it and wade in it and let it become her identity. No, she is moving forward. It might be hard. Things are weighing her down and making it harder than it is for anyone else, but it doesn't matter. She isn't anyone else. She is going ahead, not staying in place. Over and over she has chosen to focus on where she is going and not what is weighing her down. Isn't it amazing when our kids teach us something deep and important? I think about my writing and how I have a million and one excuses to stop and put my dreams away for awhile, but in order to move forward I cannot dwell on my disadvantages. And it applies to every other challenge we are faced with day-to-day like having to be hungry if we want to lose weight when our best friend never struggles with dieting. Like having to somehow find the energy and love to care for our family when we had to wake up five times during the night and everyone is well-rested except us. Like having to do without the latest fashion for this season's wardrobe so that you can put money away for that down-payment on the house. What are we going to focus on--What we are moving towards? Or what is weighing us down? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Sometimes Monday morning comes and finds me ever more exhausted than I was Friday evening. This morning when the coffee pot finished brewing, I stared into the black liquid and thought, "This isn't going to be enough." And it wasn't. Don't get me wrong, I had a fantastic weekend. Saturday I enjoyed time with the girls and Sunday we had church followed by my nephew's first birthday party. I even went to bed early. But I felt far from rested, refueled, and ready for life when my feet hit the floor this morning. And then what happens? Coffee. Sugar. Fatty snacks. I seem to think that some weird food combination will infuse my body with enough enjoyment and calories that I can kick-start into loving life again. Ha. No such luck. I guess if jelly beans and cream cheese could beat such things as exhaustion, depression, anxiety, and etc, then the doctor would write them out on our prescriptions. I got lunches packed, chores done, and saw my daughter off to school. It was just me and Micaela kicking it while I prepared for therapists from New Mexico's School of the Blind and Visually Impaired (NMSBVI) to arrive. I turned on some Contemporary Christian music as I trudged through various tasks. Funny thing about that--the Christian Music got me to thinking, the thinking got me to praying, and before I knew it I had the stamina and energy to focus on my day with a positive attitude. I wasn't just ready, I was excited. I felt loved and confident and alive. I was refocused. I was refueled. My eyes misted over when I was reminded once again that my Heavenly Father was just waiting for me to come to Him so He could fill me up. There was never any excuse for running on empty. I wiped my eyes and chuckled. God, I should probably tape a big note to my Bible that says "Refuel Here." And another one on my prayer journal. And another on my kitchen window so that I am talking with You instead of worrying while I wash dishes. Its tough, isn't it? To remain focused and centered on God as the world moves forward. Perhaps we simply need reminders to refuel with God when we start running on empty. Sure, food and sleep will get us somewhere, but there is a difference between arriving and conquering. I don't just want to get there, I want to rise above it. I want to own it. I want to conquer it so that nothing left has the ability to steal my love of life or peace. What are your favorite ways to refuel with our Amazing God? Those who hope in the Lord
Thursday morning I gripped the steering wheel before I had even turned on the car and thought, "Oh, God, I don't want to do this. I just want to stay home." For a thousand and one reasons, my monthly visits seem to tax my coping capabilities. I hate taking Micaela out of her routine when she is finally doing so much learning and developing. But Albuquerque is a non-negotiable destination. Micaela's specialists and the feeding clinic are there. And it is a blessing, I have a lot of dear friends in this city and my amazing sister to stay with. So, it really isn't a hardship. But it is still hard. I was away from my home exactly 28 hours this time in which every second was planned and used wisely so that I could make the most of the mileage. Those busy days are common to a lot of people's plights in life. Often we are left with a couple days on the weekend to work on family and homes. Or, for us stay-at-home/work-at-home individuals, venturing from our homes can be a chore as we get out of our comfort zone and strap children into car seats. If you have one of those days coming up, here are a few things I have learned from my own crazy days when so much needs to be done and you have little time to breathe. 1. Live it! That's right. It is what it is--the craziness, the cranky children, the weird weather, the unreasonably long Walmart lines, and the long wait at the doctor's office. You are already in this. You are already here. So stop obsessing about how bad it is or how bad it could get. Just be here, now, in this moment, and live. You'll realize that the here and now is more manageable when you focus on only one moment at a time. 2. Have a game plan. Have a list of things you need to buy, places you need to go, and friends you would like to see. Have addresses. Keep track of time. Remember that a plan is only a plan. Things can change. But you will get a lot more accomplished if you know where you are going after each stop and keep track of time so you do not aimlessly wander Target and lose half your day. 3. Snacks and water. Do healthy and fun and don't expect to grab it on the way. You are going to feel a lot better and be able to cope with a lot more if you keep yourself hydrated and nourished with some complex carbs, proteins, and good fats dancing around in your system. Plus, those little ones will keep up a lot better too. 4. Appreciate your battle buddies. My battle buddies are usually the girls, so if I see them as tiny gremlins intent on making the day even harder than it already was, then we are guaranteed to lose the fight. They are right there with me in the doctor's office and the backed-up traffic. I make sure to remind them how much I appreciate their good attitudes and how great it is that they want to sing "Joy, joy, joy," again...and again, and again. 5. Have support. I would never make it through these stressful trips if I didn't have amazing friends to visit like Jessica, (best friend from college) or my wonderful sister. Even calling friends when I'm out on errands and having them put my life back into perspective will put me back on an even keel. It is another reason why friendships are amazingly important. As you look at your to-do list of errands today I hope some of these tips help. These days are definitely rough, but they are part of life. And I am sure that you, just like me, want to love this day and not just survive it. I would love to hear of some other ways my readers out there survive those busy days. Comment, message, or find me on Facebook if you would like to share. :) Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. “It hurts so good!” Okay, I know it is a quote from Dumb and Dumberer but it pops into my head about a lot of things in life. Like eating a piping hot quesadilla and burning my tongue. Like staying up so late reading an amazing book that my eyes water. And, it definitely applies to exercise. When you have little ones in your home, exercise becomes a form of art. You have to figure out a way to raise your heart-rate and make muscles groan without waking up kids, stumbling over kids, subjecting them to harsh weather, or making your own blood-pressure fly through the roof when they think mommy’s workout it is the perfect time to interrupt your life. Sometimes I think I have done it all—walks with the stroller, Zumba in my living room, 30-day fitness challenges during naps, elliptical machine during movie time. I can never stick with one mode of exercise for long. As kids go through different stages, our houses change, and interest wanes, my form of working up a sweat evolves. But I fight for it anyways. Exercise brings me peace. It harnesses energy. It makes me feel confident. It makes me feel ready to take on the world. I even use it for writing block. Amazing. It is worth fighting for. But it is also so easy for me to give up when life throws a curve ball. Exercise feels counter-intuitive. When I am exhausted I want to sit on the couch, not do squats. When I’m feeling down I want chocolate, not a fifteen-minute run on the elliptical machine. When my toddler throws a tantrum I want to shut out the world, not invite my girls into the living room for a few minutes of booty-shaking when we all need to work out our wiggles. Yeah, exercise doesn’t make sense but it works every time. Every time. Right now I am trying very hard to change my perspective of physical workouts. I want to change my mind from seeing them as chores to seeing them as blessings. I want to be as excited about getting outside and walking as I am about chocolate and good books. I want to feel that keeping in shape is as important as eating, breathing, and sleeping. Our pastor at church is fighting a heart-condition brought on by a lifetime of overeating. A few Sundays ago he humbly cautioned his congregation to care for their bodies and to go beyond the lies and forces of the world that keep us from getting and staying healthy. That is what God wants for us—to have bodies ready to do his will. Bodies that support great attitudes. Bodies that set us up for peace, joy, and success. God is with me in this and that one thought exhilarates me to no end. I’ve got this. It is going to hurt so good. The sluggard craves and gets nothing, Do moms get a day off? A sick day? A day we can call in and pull the covers back over our heads? No. We don’t. But sometimes we still have to take the “day off” anyways. This morning I awoke under the weather. I didn’t have a malady that required serious attention nor intervention, but I was feeling pretty beat. A headache kept me tossing and turning most the night, probably due to worries and stress. I opened my Beth Moore Bible Study on Fruits of the Spirit and asked God to give me the energy, the spark, the attitude I needed to be productive today. But, He didn’t. Instead I turned my Bible to 1 Kings and read the story of Elijah and the part where Elijah gives up in despair. Elijah falls into a suicidal depression with little faith that God will protect him from death. And what was God’s response? Anger? Rebuking? Discipline? No, God sent an angel to care for Elijah, providing rest and food. I cradled my throbbing head within my hands and knew that today would not be the day I crossed everything off my list. Because sometimes the most important duty we have is that of rest. Today Elijah taught me that it is okay to be exhausted. It is not okay to ignore that condition and continue onward simply because of feelings of guilt or responsibility. All of us need days where we stand back, stand aside, and let God minister to our needs. So, I cooked breakfast and did the dishes—and that was it. I’m sure at some point I will prepare dinner and there are little girls that need time and attention. But for now I am bundled up and letting the world turn around me. As positive and loving humans, we want to give so much to the world. But before we can give, we need to receive. We need to receive God’s peace and joy and wisdom. And we need to receive rest in God’s presence. Today if your list beckons but your body, mind, and heart have not been tended to, talk to God about it. Exhaustion happens. If you have reached that point and God is providing the time and opportunity to rest, do so. Don’t feel guilty. Instead, allow yourself to feel immensely loved by your Heavenly Father.
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