I started to believe that the bag of Brach’s jelly beans was the worst thing that ever entered my home. I opened the bag and treated Adela for finishing her school work. I put a few into her tiny little hands and then returned to chores. Within seconds she was back. She needed more. With my refusal, the begging started, followed by whining, and trailed by the first tantrum I had seen from her in months. Frustrated and at my wits end I took her outside and we walked around together until she calmed down. But she had not forgotten the candy. “Mamá, I need a little more. Please, give me the jelly beans. Please.” The whining grated on my ears. I gritted my teeth. “No, Adela. You don’t need them. Why don’t you have a cheese stick?” She considered for a moment and then sighed. “Okay.” Returning to the house I gave her the cheese stick. She ended up consuming three of them and a cup of water before settling into play. I shook my head, realizing that it hadn’t been about jelly beans, really. She was hungry. Bemused, I considered what “Jelly Beans” I have in my life. We all have things we use to refuge deep hurts, quick Band-Aids to cover wounds without fighting for a true cure. For me, television and social media are go-to’s when I feel frustrated. But, while they distract, they rarely fix anything. Whatever I am unsatisfied with, it waits for me to turn off the television or computer. I always think, “Just a little more.” Just a little more time watching that movie or reading that book or catching up with friends and I would have felt emotionally solid again. Or, just a little more chocolate and I would no longer feel disappointed or sad. Or, just a little more coffee and I would have the energy to be a fantastic mother today. None of those will ever fix me. If I really want to find emotionally stability, joy, and energy then I need to dig for reasons behind my hurt. Just like Adela and her desperate need for jelly beans-- if I had gave in, her body would have still craved good nutrients and hydration. Jesus’ warning in Luke 21:34 speaks deep to my heart: Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap.(NIV) There is so much around us that can weigh us down and we will always crave more until we learn to go to God for real answers and healing. Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them; and I will reveal to them an abundance of peace and truth. Related Articles What do you always find yourself needing “just a little more” of?
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“You’ve got to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.” I heard that a lot the first few years of parenthood. Friends and family encouraged me to take care of myself. I clung to that advice, my license to devote a fraction of my life to my health. But, there was a problem. Every time I felt like I wasn’t cutting it as a parent or wife, I also felt like I didn’t deserve to care for myself. Bizarrely, I started to rate my level of performance and then decide if I had earned a walk out doors, or a special meal that I enjoyed. After all, If I wasn’t taking care of anyone else, then I didn’t deserve to take care of myself. That warped view sent me into seasons of despair or unhealthy physical habits that I had to dig myself out of later. It became a sad cycle. Starting this year, I dug for verses that would become a power house to keep myself on a healthy road. There are many in God’s word that encouraged me. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, NIV Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 3 John 1:2, NIV Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. Proverbs 17:22, NIV A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 31:17, NIV She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. I love these verses. There is enough truth in each of them to fuel my determination for change, but the one that I clung to changed my world. But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand. Isaiah 64:8, ESV I, Lora, am the work of His hands. I am precious and unique and made for His wonderful purposes. Me, just me. Not me, the mom or me, the wife or me, the sister, daughter, friend, etc.. Just me. I am precious and God wants me to find rest and health. I don’t have to earn the right for it…I was born into it with His love and grace. Funny how one little way of looking at my world from a different angle has filled me with joy. I am excited to be healthy. I no longer look at it as another task I must perform in order to better serve others, instead I look at it as a precious gift from my Abba Father who sees me first as His child and longs for me to come to Him for spiritual health, emotional well being, and physical guidance. And, as I changed the way I looked at caring for myself, I have a heart that abounds in love and joy more than ever before. I am parenting and partnering with my husband feeling loved and cared for by my Abba Father. So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Today, my hope for you today is that you drink that water and have quiet soul time not only because you want to better serve others, but because you, just you, are loved by Abba Father. Bits of weeds, dirt, bugs, and sticks scattered. I walked and pushed, walked and pushed. Behind me fell a neat line of cut foliage. I smiled. My shoulders dropped. If having an open mouth hadn't been a hazzard, I would have sang. If only all of God's tasks for us were like this: One job at a time. Predictable outcomes. Visual progress. Many things in my life require work of the mind, heart, and body with no confirmation of results. With faith I keep pushing against bricks walls. Are you pushing brick walls, too? Are you fighting for a marriage that feels like it is crumbling around you? Are you attempting to teach manners to a defiant child? Are you battling a disease? Are you holding the hand of a friend deep in depression? Brick walls come in many shapes and sizes. Have you read the story The Unmoved Rock? If you haven't, you must. To summarize, God asked a man to push against a rock all day, everyday. The man did so for years. Eventually he became discouraged and cried out to God. God showed him how much the man had grown by performing the hard task. He had grown strong and resilient. But, He told the man that God was the the one that could move the rock. (Read the full story here. From Bible.org) Today I am thankful for mowing, for a task where I can see results. But for all those other things that I am struggling for, I must instead look at the progress inside myself. I look at the patience I have gained, the ability to laugh and shake off little hurts, the heart that is learning to run to God for completeness... Thank you, God, for having me push for the impossible. I will do the work, but remember that it is You who moves the mountains. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. What are you fighting for today? Even if you don't see much progress out in the world, do you see the progress in you? We will never reach the other side of our dreams without determination. Micaela let out a gut wrenching scream. I dropped the soap sponge into the water and sprinted to the living room. I expected to see blood, maybe a wasp, something. Instead I found Micaela gripping her mega blocks and screaming. Then began one of the longest weeks of my life began. We are beginning to realize that Micaela’s mind is light years ahead of her body and speaking abilities. The battle of the mega blocks is a perfect example. She watched her older sister, Adela build towers for a few days and that morning she decided to give it a shot. She grabbed the blocks and slammed them together. They rolled away. Micaela screamed. My mouth fell open. Excited, I squatted beside Micaela and carefully showed her the holes in the blocks. I demonstrated how they fit together. Then I handed her one. She tried. The block fell on top the tower and rolled away. She screeched. I winced. She knew what she wanted to accomplish, but coordinating wrist movement and depth perception was a monumental task. For an entire week she played with those blocks. She would come crying, carrying the culprit plastic bricks, and I would show her over and over. Finally, the crying stopped. She could do it. Our entire household let out a relieved sigh. Oh, those mega blocks. We all have them. Mine are raising my children and becoming a successful writer. Watching Micaela that week was good for my heart. Her determination and following success was inspiring. Proverbs 13:4, says: The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied. (ESV) Diligence. Hard work. Dreams. Micaela’s pain and frustration was real, but so is the smile on her face when she shows off her new skill. If she had only craved to build a tower, but hadn’t forged through the hours of anger and mental exhaustion, she would never have done it. Our best dreams are our tallest mountains. May our lives be blessed by the climb. Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. What keeps you going as you pursue your dreams? The doctor looked over his mask and nodded to Micaela. “What do you think, mom, is this baseline? Is this Micaela?” She had experienced her very first seizure and recovery was slow. I shook my head. “No. Its not. This isn’t baseline.” Miceala sleepily babbled and banged a musical turtle. She threw her head back and gazed unfocused at the ceiling. No. This was not Micaela. Baseline. The word made my heart tremble. God, where is baseline? Where is baseline for my family? Is it this—hospitals and new meds and fear? Or, please, is baseline home where Micaela laughs and throws tantrums and Adela doesn’t wonder where her mother and sister went? Oh, God. The doctors and nurses came. They left. The tests were done. Micaela’s brain showed no signs of bleeding, strokes, or epilepsy. There was only the old, extensive, damage. The kind that made the neurologists look at what was left of her brain and ask if the lethargic child in front of us was acting normal. That night, when the hospital room dimmed, I listened to the monitors and questioned God. I questioned His plan. I knew He had one. I knew He had a purpose for my child, for me, for my family, before we were ever breathed into existence. But I wasn’t sure I liked it anymore. My prayers stopped. I wrapped myself in a blanket against the chill. I thought over all the many twists in my 31 years of life. From one year to the next it has been full of the unexpected. I eloped at 21. I had my first child while living in Patagonia, Argentina. I said goodbye to a two-month old baby and brought home her twin sister. I lost my mother much too soon. I relived a hundred memories and I saw it. Clear and beautiful--baseline. We have no control over our lives. Even if we had the money and resources to create a perfect bubble, the unexpected would still worm its way into our existence. Baseline will never be something we can hold and touch. Baseline can be found in something altogether more powerful—our connection to God. That is baseline. Baseline is being able to look at any circumstance and see our amazing Heavenly Father. Baseline is His joy in our hearts, His peace in our souls. Baseline stretches and weaves into our every moment because we chose not to walk out this life on our own strength, we chose Him. Baseline. Eventually, our Micaela woke, ate, played, laughed, and even threw a tantrum. God stays close to Her. That precious connection is an intimate part of her existence, and mine, my four-year-old Adela, and my husband’s lives. Our baseline cannot be measured, described, or limited. But we have this treasure in clay jars to show that its extraordinary power comes from God and not from us. What keeps you secured to your baseline?
January was an overwhelming month for me. That is probably not much of a shocker when I consider how much I carelessly heaped on my plate. I dove into a new world of marketing a book, I have been furiously editing a novel that a publishing company has shown interest in, I started a new diet & exercise regime, and I continued mothering & housekeeping to the best of my ability.
When my spleen swelled up at the end of the month I felt like the universe was giving me a nice little thunk on the forehead. I felt God lovingly place a hand on my shoulder and say, "You are glutton for punishment, My daughter. Ready to step back into My pace and plan for you?" As I write this post my side feels like it is on fire and I battle frustration. I want my energy back. I want to be able to sleep in my right side again and chase the girls around the house. And, I'm a little scared. I don't exactly have answers for what is going on. Worst of all, I feel like I'm failing. Failing at motherhood. Failing at maintaining a home. Failing at writing, publishing, and marketing. Failing at maintaining peace. Failing at improving my health. I really didn't know if things would be okay again. As I sat and moped, my mind turned to all the stories in the Bible about the Kings of Judea and Isreal. Their lives fascinate me. They were men with great power. Some of them had hearts for the Lord and their lives were full of happiness and success. Others never turned their eyes to the true God, and they brought distruction on themselves and their kingdom. The most heartbreaking histories of all, are about the kings who began their reign following the Lord, but turned away as time moved on. God never allowed them to move too far from Him before bringing them into account. I have been busy. In so many of my goals this past month, I have relied heavily on my own knowledge and strength. I have forgotten to turn to Him in all the little worries and the grand problems. I am no king, but God's love for me is strong enough to refuse me to wander too far from His protection. Yesterday, Jovani took a break between chores to give Adela a roping lesson. Though the skill is a hard one for Adela to learn, her father had patience with her, instructed her carefully, and encouraged her. Back and forth they went. Jovani showed her, did it with her, and then let her take a shot by herself. Little by little she got just a tiny bit better, but she has a long way to go. I smiled. I'm just like her. God keeps showing me His power, His protection. He keeps walking along side me. He gives me a little room to see if I will keep to His training. And then He has to come back and show me all over. I shouldn't feel upset at the cycle. It is a beautiful example of love. My frustration eased. It's going to be okay. God has brought me back close to Him and is intimately showing how His kingdom works. It might mean that for now I have less control over my world, but how beautiful that He cares so much that He brought me close to Him once again. I give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever.
My eyes longingly gazed at a bag full of early Valentine candies. Nobody would know if I ate half-a-dozen as long as there was still some left. In fact, if I didn't exercise, no one would notice either. None of that really affected my loved ones as long as I kept functioning at normal levels.
Accountability is more important than we could ever imagine. None of us are perfectly motivated. Situations will come at and against us to make even the best intentions fall through. Without an outside force it becomes extremely difficult to implement change. I'm a woman of will-power, but a bag of chocolates has a louder voice than the silence of a quiet house. As I set up plans for changing my physical health, I saw the road before me long and lonely. A couple weeks into the hard work of eating right and becoming more active, a friend sent me a message asking if I might like an accountability partner. She is a mother of young children who wanted to make a change in her life, too. Like me, she can't make it to a gym or join a club. She was trying to wing-it as she re-wired her life with some healthier habits. Hesitant at first, I accepted the offer. It took a few weeks to sort out how we would encourage and support each other's goals, but now, I look forward to opening up Facebook and chatting with her about my day. Somebody knows. Somebody cares. Somebody is keeping me close. The past couple weeks on this journey have been amazing with a friend coming along side me. We share our successes and our downfalls. We encourage each other and sometimes even do a bit of admonishing to help each other stay on track. I'm a very self-disciplined person, but even I don't have enough personal motivation to make these total life-changes. It takes courage to let someone in like this. To let them see your cracks. But there is deep power in a relationship that exists to bring about change. A hard-working mommy like me is so blessed to have this kind of friendship. It is a daily reminder of God's love and support that He provided for me. We all need someone who cares. Someone who knows what we are doing and striving for. We need someone keeping us close.
I stared at my to do list and tapped my pen. There were two things on it, both a bit time-consuming and totally centered around my self. Besides the normal chores, Micaela's therapy, and Adela's learning, I also needed to set up my fit bit and cook some low-fat menu options to store for my meals. It was going to be huge chunk out of my day. For a long moment I lifted the pen above the two items, ready to cross them off and move them to tomorrow.
Then what? Tomorrow was not going to magically present a few free hours to help me become healthier. But today I felt that the needs of my home and children had to go to the forefront. Oh, us moms, right? We are so good at un-prioritizing ourselves, aren't we? What does our God think about that? Do you think He would like to clap us on the back and tell us "Well done. Keep up the good work."? Or, does he watch us scurring around, worrying about putting away those dishes and organizing toys and wish we would trust Him a bit more? The Bible is full of verses and stories reminding us to respect the health of our bodies, hearts, and minds. Check out this collection of 27 Bible Verses about Health from Biblestudytools.com. If God repeatedly mentioned the importance of our health, we need to trust Him to care for the other areas of our lives while we take time to be good to ourselves. You know, I've seen many solidly amazing men and women whose biggest dreams had to be set aside because of their health. I've seen lives side-swiped by issues that could have been avoided if they had taken care of themselves earlier in life. God has asked each of us to do a great work for Him and we honor Him by keeping ourselves fit mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically so we are equipped to do His will. We are worth this. There should never be an argument dancing around our heads that tries to argue its way into the logic that our hearts, minds, souls, and bodies have not earned a priority in our lives. A healthy you would be a stronger mother, a more joyful daughter, a more understanding friend, a more peaceful spouse...that list just keeps going. So, today I want you to know, that you, my dear, are worth it. You are worth a spot on your own list, up near the top, and written in bold ink. May your blessings abound for your faithfulness.
Last year, hours before Winter Storm Goliath hit, our home caught on fire. Yep. Sure did. But before my loved ones start to worry, I just want to reassure you...it wasn't that bad. Fire is a funny thing. It can be so helpful, so comfortable. We like a fireplace. We like the way the wood crackles as it burns. We love the glow of it as it warms the house.
But when there were live flames licking at the rafters last December, I can tell you no warm and fuzzy feelings entered my mind. It was my first 911 call ever. And it was so hard not to cry in front of the wide eyes of my daughters and nephew as we waited for the fire truck and watched my husband battle the fire with the garden hose.
I can tell you, too, that I was angry at first. I had plans for the day. I had supper prepped and it was nap time for the kids. A huge snowstorm was on the way. I wanted to snuggle down in my own home as the snowflakes began to fall. But God had other plans and He used a fire to smoke us out.
We are glad he did. It turns out that because the little electrical fire started in the middle of the day, before the snow hit, while we were all awake, with the wind at the right angle to keep the flames from growing, the House volunteer fire department on the way, and my husband home to keep it from spreading--well, the perfect timing of it all saved the house and our lives. And the days spent snuggled in at my dad's house during during winter storm Goliath was fun and memory-building. Fire is a beautiful thing. I think fire has meaning for those of us who long to grow, who long to change. Fire can burn away the things we cling to. Fire can demolish old habits. Fire can make room for something new, something better, something we give over to God and let him show us His amazing will for our lives. Fire also warms us. It moves us. It bites and blisters. We can all use that kind of discipline, I look over my life and wonder what I could throw into the flames. Selfish attitudes? My need to snack when I'm anxious? My refusal to slow down and give God five minutes when my day is hectic? There are a lot of things I wouldn't mind tossing into the furnace. But it is rather hard, isn't it? Some of our habits are our anchors. Some of our attitudes we feel belong to our personality and are perhaps not available for burning. Fire is scary. Yet what do we sacrifice by holding on? We already know what life is like with our current conditions. And we know there is better. We just need to find it. We need to make room for God to do His good work in our lives. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
So, tell me. What are you going to throw into the flames?
Stress eating has started to make its mark on my body. I knew better. I did. But that industrial-size bag of M&Ms that my loving little brother brought by to give me a smile was too easy to turn to each time I became frustrated and overwhelmed. And now I have some work to do. In 1 Chronicles, David made preparation for God's Temple to be built by his son, Solomon. The instructions that David gave to Solomon touched my weary heart. What David said to Solomon is what we all need to hear about doing any long-term job that will be difficult and trying. From dieting, changing our attitude toward an acquaintance or spouse, or creating habits that will improve our physical or emotional life, David's instructions to Solomon struck a chord that resonated deep within me. 1 Chronicles 28:20 David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished. Be strong and courageous and do the work. Do the work. There are many goals in our lives that are not going to come easy, but we cannot become discouraged or live in fear. I think of the goals I have for Adela and Micaela to be the best possible women of God they can be. I think of my marriage and my goal for it to always be strong and full of love. I think of my writing and dream to touch lives and encourage others. All these goals I cannot give up, set aside, or allow to be stolen by fear. And this latest goal of mine, to fight my way back to a healthier living style, I will not fail because I simply would not do the work. It took Solomon twenty years to build the temple of the Lord. Two entire decades. He might not have pounded stone, drug logs, or crafted furniture with his own hands, but the work was still hard for him. For twenty years he was in charge of the painstaking care of making sure the temple was built to the exact specifications that God requested. He had to manage labor, materials, and money to make sure it was completed. And he had to do it while also taking care of all the other duties of being a king. It was a difficult job. But Solomon did not become discouraged or afraid. He did the work. We all have work given to us by God. Some of us must build up corporations, serve meals to the poor, work to feed our families, fight cancer, encourage the imprisoned, care for crops, and countless other positions of work assigned to our lives. God doesn't give easy tasks to His children. He gives us mountain-moving goals and dreams. Why? Because He doesn't ask us to do it alone. He will never fail or forsake us. Whatever you are working towards today, take heart. Be strong and courageous and do the work. Consider now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house as the sanctuary. Be strong and do the work.” |
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