What If I Miss My Calling?
I spent hours holding a fussy, sometimes screaming, toddler the last couple days. It took a strong mind not to linger on all the things I would rather have been doing. Micaela is going through a rough patch: teething, grasping at independence, and giving herself a lot of bumps and bruises along the way.
My eyes drifted to the clock over and over as I watched entire hours drift away unproductive and unclaimed by my other plans. Every spare minute that I wasn't keeping Micaela calm I was spending time with Adela or frantically trying to get the laundry done. My day was spent with my mind and emotions on edge.
When the girls were in bed I drug myself to my Bible with a heavy heart.
A prickly thought triumphed over my mind. What if I miss my calling?
Years down the road will I never fulfill my passion or realize my dream because I was wiping noses and encouraging little fingers to hold a crayon correctly? Will this be it?
I stared bleakly at the swimming words covering the pages of my Bible. God, when will I be the woman you have settled in my heart to be?
The two words resonated and lay still.
I gasped with joy and relief as the truth filled me. Even days like this one when I feel so disconnected from my hopes, I am right where I am intended to be. I took a deep breath of peace as I settled into His promises. I can trust in this: that even the mundane and trying has been perfectly inserted into my life. My girls, my husband, my life, my world--they are incredible and beautiful. Walking in His truth and on His path I move towards the dreams God has placed in my heart. I just need to trust Him. I need to relax and enjoy being a mother. I need to rest in His care.
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"...and God was already there with me."