Micaela's angry scream pierced the air.
I am going to go crazy, I thought.
I gave Micaela a weary smile. "Hey, sweetheart. You're okay. I need to finish these dishes."
Her little fingers curled into fists. She screamed again.
Seriously, I am going to go crazy.
In less than ten seconds I had successfully made myself feel inadequate and unprepared for what life was throwing at me. How? Negative self-talk.
We are all familiar with these sly chants uttered under our breath when life heaps on the pressure. Read the list below and identify if you find yourself saying some of these negative statements.
I'm not up to this.
I can't keep doing this.
Another mother would handle this better.
I'm not good enough for this.
I'm not ready for this.
No one takes care of me.
No one cares about me.
...and on...and on.
I am certain that negative self-defeating thoughts are a favorite tool of the Devil. In a sly and quiet way, we allow lies to creep into our world. And, if perception is reality, then we will be crazy, inadequate, unable to go on, unable to hand the pressure, uncared for, and missing the joy in life.
Oh, but guess what--God is waiting. His solution is simple.
Stop talking to yourself and talk to Him. Talk to Jesus, connect with His spirit inside you, soak in the joyful love of your Heavenly Father.
This takes training. This takes developing a new habit where we can:
1. Identify our negative self-talk.
2. Stop ourselves when we say these things.
And 3. Open up a dialogue with God.
We need to do it over and over until those thoughts lose their foothold in our hearts.
Lord knows I'm working on it.
This last week has been a killer. Micaela has been sick with a stomach bug for over a week. That, on top of a lot of other home/family/life demands, I felt entirely used up and defeated by the time I came home from doctor appointments in Albuquerque on Friday.
Everything I whispered to myself was full of frustration and weariness.
It took an agressive act of self-will to turn my self-talk into a conversation with God. He doesn't put up well with my pity parties.
If I try and tell God that I am going insane, He responds that I am not being truthful and that I am not leaning on His strength.
If I tell God that I can't take it anymore, He responds that I can with Him. He reminds me that He has given me good things.
Colossians 3:2 in the ampliphied Bible says, "Set your mind and keep focused habitually on the things above [the heavenly things], not on things that are on the earth [which have only temporal value]."
We all need to stop talking to ourselves and start speaking with our Heavenly Father.
His strength, His peace, and His perfect love waits for us.
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
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"...and God was already there with me."