It was perfectly arrogant the way I started 2014. Was that really 3 years ago? I even set some lofty resolutions for that year. I was going to finish writing my 7th novel, give birth to our second child (I had just found out I was pregnant), move to Russia for my husband's new job, and spend a lot of quality time with my mom as her health failed. That was how I pictured the year before me.
To this day, looking back over those months is often painful. The darkness of loss threw a shadow of that entire year. It hit me so hard, that when the next year started I did not even attempt to set another goal. However, I learned something.
The waves come. The storms hit. It is life. When we have to suffer through these things, I want to be in Jesus' boat.
You know the story. Turn to Mark 4:35-41. Jesus invited His disciples to get into the boat with Him and cross over the Sea of Galilee. Jesus knew that the storm coming would be terrible. He knew that the waves would crash over them and toss their vessell around. He knew that the tempest had the power to tear them to pieces. However, that was His boat. He even fell asleep as the waters thrashed about them. When His disciples came and woke Him, He quieted the storm with a few simple words. Then He chastised His followers for forgetting that they never had anything to fear.
By the end of 2014 my family and I had survived a storm that could have ripped us to pieces. It had full capability to steal our hopes, beat away our dreams, tear apart our relationships, and demolish our health.
There were scars. Oh, there were some bad scars. But we were in Jesus' boat. I can say that though I desperately miss my baby, Isabela, I have deep joy that she was born to me. I can say that though I wish Micaela had been given an easier journy in life, but I am in continuous wonder at how God shows His mighty power through her miraculous progression. I can say that though my heart aches to hear my mom's voice, even one more time, I have a heart that is open to be loved by others. My marriage is strong. I am so very loved and supported by family and friends.
In Jesus' boat we reach our destination within His great plans for us and under the protection of His perfect love. No matter what we suffer, we are never lost to the storm.
Last night the calendar turned over into 2017 and I set resolutions again. I have no fear. My goals might work out, or they might not. I believe in striving for personal growth, especially when it trains our eyes to be fixed on God. I hope to spend this year reading my Bible daily, lowering my cholesterol through diet and exercise, and learning how to market my very first published book.
Who knows, the waves might rise up and crash over me mid-year or even in a week and those goals will become useless. It doesn't matter.
I'm in Jesus' boat.
I will get safely to the other side. Only My Heavenly Father knows my destination. And, my God is good.
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
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"...and God was already there with me."