The Little Worries and Fractures of the Heart

My life feels a little like the fluctuations of the New Mexico weather. One day we're enjoying a soft warmth from quiet sunshine, and the next moment the winds seems to cut through to your spine and all you can do is breathe. 

A couple weeks ago Micaela had a seizure. One moment I was putting away dinner and the next moment my husband and I were administering rescue medication and oxygen to our precious baby girl. It floored us. And, the sad news is that as she begins to go through another stage of physically development, our neurologist warned that epilepsy tends to get a lot worse. 

Micaela recovered. New medication levels were administered, and I lifted my chin. Life goes on and you face it one blow at a time. But for whatever reason, the blows kept coming. Micaela got a head cold and lost her equilibrium for 72 hours. Then things at schools got more complicated with new students (who are amazing but still a change to our class routines and dynamics) and everyone seemed to be needing extra emotional TLC. 

I couldn't quite describe the feeling that came over me. Between my worries over Micaela and the extra stress at work, it was like I was always looking over my shoulders, waiting for the next bomb to drop, the next shock to add another fracture to my soul. 

Thank God there are seasons. Our Heavenly Father allows us to go through these moments, not because we need toughening-up, but because our we need to train our feet to go running right back to Him.  We need to trust His provision, protection, and wisdom so that we will never feel unsafe, unsupported, and alone.

I'm so thankful that Lent begins this week. I love this time of year. For 46 days we enter into a period of fasting and worship. Every year I do this a little different, concentrating on whatever part of my life has drawn away from God. 

Right now, I want to give Him all these little worries. They are what is tearing apart my world. Yes, in my world they are big things, but in God's hands they are part of His beautiful plan and story for my life. 

Dear Lord, teach me to rest in that. To trust in You. 
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Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:5, NIV

Micaela is back to her spunky self.

Where have you felt little worries hurting your heart these days?