There will never be enough coffee to give me the strength to make it through this day like a human being.
I don't know why I do this to myself. But I do. From time to time I forget that I am not a super-powered woman who can make it through several nights in a row of just a few hours of sleep.
When you do that to yourself and get up in the morning, the day does not even seem new or fresh.
The cover of my book is what succeeded in keeping me up the last few nights. I was out of my comfort zone trying to design it. I learned a lot as I struggled different photo shop and cover creator programs, but I was far from satisfied with my work.
This morning I submitted my proof and cover. I was frustrated. I was grumpy. I wasn't ready to mother my sweet girls, cook, clean, or simply smile. I was so exhausted and disheartened.
I should have been sleeping the last few nights instead of allowing my desire for control and perfectionism to eclipse my trust in God.
I really should have taken Sunday off. I can feel my need to relax and chill-out crawling up and down my spine. My eyes keep closing involuntarily. This third cup of coffee might as well have been Sweet Dreams herbal tea.
Our desire to control a situation often gets in the way of following God's instructions and resting. Our urge to get things done perfectly will make us treat our own bodies badly. That is not God's will for us.
I know I'm up against a deadline. I know that I look back on the last few months and am angry at myself for not taking advantage of time I had when I had it. However, pushing myself like this is only making my life more miserable in a dozen different ways. I think I am even getting an ulser...
Really, I should have been sleeping.
Is there something you are pushing yourself with? Cooking Christmas treats, sending off cards, or preparing for a family get-together? In your anxiety, are you accepting God's gift of rest or are you pushing forward trying to get everything done on your own power?
Maybe you should be sleeping, too.
If God doesn’t build the house,
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"...and God was already there with me."