I bit my lip and carefully rolled the frozen bit of fudge into the hot coating. I dumped it on the wax paper. Adela dutifully dusted the top with sprinkles. We grinned at each other. One down and about 200 more to go.
There are about 20 people on my list this year to receive a little box of bon bons. They are for our neighbors and mailman and friends. Obviously, I am not helping anyone get through the holidays in a healthy manner, but I don’t do this only to give someone precious to me a smile. I do it because for a few hours I relive memories of my mother.
I can’t remember the first year she made them, but I remember the soft chocolate gleam against wax paper. I remember sneaking little bits of fudge until my stomach felt raw. I remember mom’s concentration and how enthusiastic she was to visit those neighbors and drop off those little packages.
Goodness, I miss her. I am not the only one for whom the holidays beckon back a thousand memories that make our heart sting. No matter how many Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthdays we make it through, it always feels strange and a little empty without our lost loved ones.
I turned and dumped another bit of fudge onto Micaela’s tray. She chuckled and smashed it between her chubby fingers. The sound of her laughter soothed that pain. One after another the bon bons were dipped and decorated. Adela snitched sprinkles. I shook my head and pretended not to see.
God, how thankful I am for movement. Movement helps me remember to breath. Movement helps life keep going forward despite the pain. Movement brings new memories and moments of love.
If I couldn’t move and do something, I might be lost in the pain instead of going forward into the love and memories.
It took a few days but the bon bons were made and packaged. They are meant to bless others, but they have already blessed me and mine more.
Do you find the holidays hard? If so, are there traditions you hold on to that help you move beyond the pain and relive good memories?
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"...and God was already there with me."