Micaela. Oh, that girl. She is extensively developmentally delayed and we are constantly thankful that she keeps progressing. She has made it through one "normal" stage after another. But the past couple weeks made it official--she is going through the screaming, cling-to-mom, need-to-be-held, angry-about-everything stage.
It is so hard to dredge up a honest smile and sincere exression of tenderness towards your two year-old when she has been latched onto your body for the last five hours and is furious with you everytime you try to move away.
We've been working on setting boundaries with her. We are doing everything we can to help her through this. However, there are days where I barely make it to the girls' bedtime without breaking down in tears.
This morning I woke while the house was still quiet and braced myself for the hours to come. I prayed with a frightened heart. How am I going to get through this? What if like all her other stages, she stays here for months? A year? Oh, my God, how do I get through this?
From the overflow.
I had forgotten. A few months ago at a conference, Bill Gaultiere spoke on emmersing ourselves in the love of our Heavenly Father so that we can give to others from the overflow of our hearts. He told us that our loving God does not wish for us to dig into our reserves and deplete our resources, but to be so full of His Spirit that we can serve others out of the overflow of His goodness.
From the overflow. That is how I will survive this. If I want a heart that can give to both my girls and my husband, a mind ready to solve problems, and a soul that is encased in peace, then I need to fill myself with God's goodness. Daily, hourly, minute-by-minute.
I have no doubt that God has been waiting for me to come to Him. I am constantly in wonder at how abuduntly He blesses when we purposefully walk in His protection. What precious training He has provided to journey closely with Him. Micaela will remind me without failing that I can't do this without my Heavenly Father and that if I want to do it well, I need to be coming to the Father to fill me with His joy, peace, and especially love to make it through this season.
The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.
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"...and God was already there with me."