And now there are glasses.
In truth, we were not surprised or upset. We knew she might need them. When we got them in the mail and put them on her tiny little face, both my husband and I couldn't help but grin ear to ear. She looks ridiculously cute.
However, I am now about fives days in with the glasses and already more than a little frazzled. Guess what a toddler does when you put glasses on? That's right, they take them off. Now, don't get me wrong, when she is distracted and playing they stay mostly on. But the moment she is bored or sleepy that eye-gear has become a very handy mommy-magnet for Micaela. Tonight when dinner no longer looked appealing and the machine still had several minutes to go to finish her feed, Micaela grabbed up her glasses with egg-salad hands, tore them off her face, and waved them in the air. When I scolded she gave me that cheeky grin.
Having a 'different' child can weigh on a mama from time to time. I look at Micaela now with her glasses, ankle & foot braces, and G-tube and sometimes she overwhelms me. It is scary to look into the future and wonder. Fear has a whole other meaning when your child has been given a different chance at life.
It was with thoughts like these running through my head that I ran across an old verse. "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." (Psalm 139:14) I stopped and stared at the words. Through the eyes of a mother, they mean something new to me.
Micaela was fearfully and wonderfully made. Adela was fearfully and wonderfully made. God wove them carefully into who they are knowing full-well the bumps and bruises they were set up against. He made their bodies just as strong or weak as they are. He made their minds and instincts. He set those little souls right here--our daughters.
I've been struggling with this for a long time, this battle against perfection and what it means for how my girls grow. Though in my deepest heart I know that it is wrong for me to insist that they mold themselves into my ideal, I wrestle with so many fearful thoughts about what they will be in life.
But, they were fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Their very hearts were specifically crafted and shaped just like this. What could be more beautiful? What could be more perfect than what is made by God?
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"...and God was already there with me."