"I can't wait until I have a baby." "Goodness, it feels like forever the doctors are asking me wait to recover from this surgery." "I'm just going to have to wait until we can afford it to go on vacation." Waiting is all around us. When I open my ears I hear how much we dislike waiting for those big things around us, but even small things--bank lines and being on hold--try our patience.
I've had to do a lot of praying about waiting. For a while now my little family has been in a holding pattern--or at least that is what it feels like. The last month or so it weighed on me more than usual. I wondered how long do I have to wait before we see the steps to a secure future laid out for us? When will the time be right for me to pursue a more serious writing career? How long will we have to wait before Micaela can walk or talk? I want my answers now. I want them so I can feel safe again.
It seems so unfair, so wrong that I must wait. I want life to go forward, not be forever stuck in a holding pattern.
I was talking to a dear friend of mine who has been hoping for a child for a long time. It hasn't happened for her and it weighs on her. She is an amazing woman and has been a truly wonderful mother to her teenage stepson, but she longs for a baby. I hurt for her. It is so unfair. But last time we talked I realized something. Her life, marriage, and health has not always been ready for a child A light bulb came on and goosebumps grazed my arms. God loves her so much that he is making her wait.
God's perfect timing is truly an act of love.
I stepped back and thought about waiting. As my husband and I wait to figure out more definite steps to take as a family towards our future, we learn how to be a closer-knit team. We talk more about everything and are at peace with each other realizing how wonderful it is to have the same values and desires for our family. As I wait to dive into publishing, I develop my writing skills and learn to listen to God's voice. As I wait for Micaela to develop I appreciate everything about her and Adela--their personalities and how loving and precious they are.
The wait has never been something bad.
It has always been full of God's love.
What are you waiting on? And while you wait, what do you fill your mind with? Do you fill you head with frustration or do you open your heart to change?
It is time for me to stop hating the waiting. I am just as safe here as I am in some invented future when I have all I have asked for.
I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.
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"...and God was already there with me."