I could hear Micaela's squeals and Adela's giggles all the way on the other end of the house when Jovani got home in time tonight to tell them goodnight before they fell asleep. We had just got back from Albuquerque and I looked out the window often, hoping he would come home before they went to bed.
It is silly of me to get upset. My husband works so very hard to provide for us and he loves us more than words can express. Yet, when I compare the endless hours I spend with our children to the little moments or days he shares with us, I often feel frustrated.
Negative feelings like that towards our husbands, our providers, the fathers of our children, and our other halves, those feelings cannot take up residence in our hearts. They don't belong. But today I battled those emotions and finally sat down to pray.
God, I said, I just want it to be okay. I want our girls to be okay. I don't want Jovani to miss anything.
God didn't answer me, instead my eyes caught the camera lying on the countertops and I reached over and grabbed it. Flipping through the pictures I stopped on the one above. It was taken last weekend when Jovani came home from working cattle all day long but instead of going in to rest, he got the girls on horses. In that hour or so they learned so much from him. They learned about animals and the outdoors. They had his arms around them. They felt loved. They felt important. They knew they were special.
Do I ever give that much of myself to my girls for even an hour at a time? The answer is no. I help them color while I cook dinner. I work on developmental skills while I think about my to-do list. I give them a bath and become frustrated when they splash water on the floor. No, the answer is no.
Daddy time is not like Mommy time. It is just not. It is a species of experience all of its own.
And when I realized that, I felt that deep peace. God had given me my answers. It is okay. My girls have an amazing father who is doing everything right for them and his family. He is devoting time to providing and squeezing in precious moments with them, doing things that I would never do with a heart that is not mine.
Daddy time is not Mommy time--not in quality or quantity--and it is just as powerful and important.
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"...and God was already there with me."