I bit my lip and carefully rolled the frozen bit of fudge into the hot coating. I dumped it on the wax paper. Adela dutifully dusted the top with sprinkles. We grinned at each other. One down and about 200 more to go. There are about 20 people on my list this year to receive a little box of bon bons. They are for our neighbors and mailman and friends. Obviously, I am not helping anyone get through the holidays in a healthy manner, but I don’t do this only to give someone precious to me a smile. I do it because for a few hours I relive memories of my mother. I can’t remember the first year she made them, but I remember the soft chocolate gleam against wax paper. I remember sneaking little bits of fudge until my stomach felt raw. I remember mom’s concentration and how enthusiastic she was to visit those neighbors and drop off those little packages. Goodness, I miss her. I am not the only one for whom the holidays beckon back a thousand memories that make our heart sting. No matter how many Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthdays we make it through, it always feels strange and a little empty without our lost loved ones. I turned and dumped another bit of fudge onto Micaela’s tray. She chuckled and smashed it between her chubby fingers. The sound of her laughter soothed that pain. One after another the bon bons were dipped and decorated. Adela snitched sprinkles. I shook my head and pretended not to see. God, how thankful I am for movement. Movement helps me remember to breath. Movement helps life keep going forward despite the pain. Movement brings new memories and moments of love. If I couldn’t move and do something, I might be lost in the pain instead of going forward into the love and memories. It took a few days but the bon bons were made and packaged. They are meant to bless others, but they have already blessed me and mine more. Happy Holidays! Do you find the holidays hard? If so, are there traditions you hold on to that help you move beyond the pain and relive good memories?
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I remember holding Adela when she was first born. That overwhelming love I had for her awed me. I kept thinking that I couldn’t believe that she had been inside me, that she had grown, developed, and been “knit together” the past nine months. Have you ever read through the story of Jesus’ birth and saw it through the perspective of a mother? Mary was an imperfect human, too. But God chose her to give birth to His son. After Jesus was born I am sure Mary looked down at His perfect body and sweet face and held all that love for Him as a mother does. Yet, there would have been another note of awe, for she knew she held the King of Kings. Sometimes, when my mind ponders that momentous event of the birth of my savior, it occurs to me that my own children were born with God’s special plans in mind. Unlike Mary, I have no idea what my daughters will do someday. I might be holding in my arms a future doctor, president, child therapist, or dog trainer. But, whoever they will become, they are part of God’s plan and the assignment of mothering them is a precious, awe-inspiring thought. I would love to know more about how Mary parented her eldest son. What I do know is this: She carried him and gave birth to him. She nursed him. She with Joseph kept Jesus safe. She became worried and went to find Him when He stayed behind at the temples. She scolded Him when she felt she had reason. She tried to keep Him close. She was faithfully near him during the crucifixion. She also gave birth to and raised other children, Jesus’ siblings. (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John). Though Jesus came to her as the Prince of Peace, her life was busy and full without fail. Motherhood. I have no idea what my kids will become. But, I do know that in this moment they need me and that I am here for them. I will never stop being their mother. I will never stop loving them and looking at them in awe, the little souls that are my daughters. What is it that awes you most about the birth of our Lord Savior, Jesus Christ? There is a precious and good work being done as we raise children and be help-mates to our spouses. And, if there is something that the Devil attacks on a regular basis, it is our hearts and homes. It feels like there is little we can do to protect our family from the evil of the world, sometimes, even the evil in our own heads. Our Christian world is under attack and the intensity of the war increases each day. This is my challenge to you: Each morning, for a week, I want you to concentrate on prayerfully clothing yourself in the armor of God. Belt of Truth: God’s truths will negate the lies that attack your heart and head. Breastplate of Righteousness: Carry out your day with the power of righteous living. When temptations knock, we are protected as God strengthens us to do what is right. Sandals of Peace: Purposefully choose peace as you interact with family, friends, and strangers. We can choose not to pick fights or finish them. We can choose to cultivate goodwill with and between others. Shield of Faith: Faith in God’s love, goodness, and power will “extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one.” So when the devil tries to make you feel unloved, unappreciated, overworked, or misplaced we can thwart those attacks by our belief in the care and promises of our awesome God. Helmet of Salvation: Rejoice as you place this helmet on your head. You are God’s chosen one, His child. Your helmet not only protects, it also marks you as one of His own. And the Enemy must respect to Whom you belong. Sword of the Spirit: Let the power of God’s word, both in the Bible, and spoken through the Holy Spirit, be what you use to fight back in today’s battle. This means you need to invest time in both studying the Bible and praying with God. Living in this world is never going to be easy, but it can be full of victory claimed daily as we put on the Armor of God. Let it strengthen and guide You as you fight for the good works done in your home and heart today. I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word. Have you experienced a way in which the armor of God powerfully protected your family or marriage? I was putting on makeup when I looked over and saw Micaela doing a downward facing dog in the hallway and giggling at herself. I chuckled and turned back to the mirror. When I did, the smile on my face revealed the fine wrinkles around my eyes, mouth, and forehead. I swallowed. I’m getting older and it is visible. For a moment I didn’t like it. I started to fret over the years I have wasted not investing in anti-wrinkle cream and the days I did chores without sunscreen. Disturbed, I continued to put on makeup, but all I saw in the mirror were the beginning lines around my face. It occurred to me, though, that, Lord willing, I might have several decades still in this body of mine. The wrinkles are going to deepen and lengthen. Other signs of aging will claim their positions. I am not going to stay young. And, God designed us this way. God gives good and perfect things. I truly need to find a better way of looking at these signs of aging. I will not allow the natural course of getting older to steal my peace or alter my confidence. Perhaps I need to simply accept them as the blessings they are. When I thought about it, I realized that wrinkles are blessings in two big ways. Wrinkles show that I have lived. I love it that God gave us blatant signs of having made it through a good chunk of living. The lines on my face tell others that I have experience and most-likely the wisdom to go with it. I’ve weathered storms, stood in the sun, and faced the music. It isn’t until we have lived through some of life that we have a lot of personal experience to help others through their own trials. The lines on our face tell others that we have something to share. Wrinkles show that I have engaged emotionally with life. From frowns to smiles to scowls to chuckles, facial expression go along with keeping those wall down around my heart so that I can love and let others in. If we were to go around not reacting to things in any emotional way, we wouldn’t get many wrinkles. But the movement of laughing and crying countless times will definitely leave their mark. There is nothing more beautiful than a living soul who has let their heart be deeply and often touched by others. In the end, when considering our wrinkles, we could always ask ourselves a tried and true question, “What would Jesus do?” What would Jesus do about His wrinkles? Would he buy expensive creams or try and hide his face? No. Jesus was the Son of God who did His fair share of living here on Earth. He wept, smiled, and was angry from time to time. Looking into a mirror, if He had spotted growing wrinkles around his eyes, mouth, and forehead, I bet He would have shrugged and thanked His Heavenly Father for each blessed moment under the sun. Even to your old age and gray hairs What about you? As you age, have you found a peaceful frame of mind to accept changes as God’s blessings? The bus pulled up and my heart flipped. I laughed at myself. Adela has been in school for months now, but her arrival still feels exciting and joyful each day. Her pigtails danced in the brisk fall wind as she ran to the front door. She bolted into my arms with one great big hug, her mouth already spewing out her chatter about the day. I tightened my hug and thanked God for her happiness. The next hour was filled with activity. The girls fought because Micaela wanted to play and Adela wanted to eat her snack. Adela groaned and complained as we started homework. There were tears when I made Adela erase some of her work and a tantrum from Micaela when I had to take away a toy too loud for her sister to concentrate. By the time I started dinner I was already exhausted, but my heart was full. There is nothing easy about this mothering-job, but it is seriously the best thing ever. Every day I get to devote my life to my family. I don’t have to struggle with many other demands of the world. I get to 24/7 bring my mind, body, and emotions to work for the people that hold the most real-estate in my heart. I am thankful for this attitude. I haven’t always felt this way. There have definitely been seasons when I would have loved to take the girls to a daycare and be able to wear a different hat. There are days when I have deeply envied mothers who got to work part-time or even full-time and get out of the house regularly. However, God never lets me settle into pity parties. He constantly reminds me of my blessings, that I get to be this person for my girls and my husband. Most of all, God reminds me that I get to be this person, do this job, for my own heart. I am so blessed to be proud and thankful for how I spend each and every day. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Do you look back on your day, fulfilling God’s calling for you, and feel His blessings? I gripped the steering wheel. My stomach felt full of angry worms and my foot itched to slam on the brakes. What was I doing? I should never have accepted her help. It is too big of a burden for her. Something will go wrong, and it will be my fault. Every mile forward meant I was farther from control of my girls. My mind filled with the possibilities of Micaela having a seizure or falling off a tall object. My heart worried that Adela hadn’t got much love and attention from me that week while she was at school. But what could I do? Turn around? What would my poor mother-in-law say if I showed up and guiltily try to convince her I had made a mistake? She had been so pleased to have her granddaughters for the weekend. She loves them so much. My eyebrows pushed together. She loves them so much. I thought of the ice cream she had stashed in the freezer, all the tall kitchen chairs she had locked in the back bedroom, so Micaela wouldn’t climb, and the toys she had carefully arranged and stored that sat waiting for the girls. Like a little piece of hurt was chipped away, a single thought melted my heart. They are her girls, too. It has been hard since the last seizure Micaela had. I have tightened my vigilant efforts to keep Micaela safe. Plus, with school in session for both the girls, I worry about providing them with all the support they need at home. However, when my loving Mother-in-law offered to take the girls for the weekend my tired mind immediately said, “Yes.” They are her girls, too. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our responsibilities as a parent that we start to build walls around our children, protecting and controlling until we can no longer let anyone else in. I hadn’t realized I had been building that wall until that moment on the lonely ranch road leaving the girls behind. My eyes filled with tears. I thanked God for the woman who with deep love and intuition would be caring for my children. I thanked God for her strength and caring. I asked God to bless the weekend for them and for me. I asked Him to move my heart to accept the blessings He brings into my life, especially when they seem to threaten my control. They are her girls, too. How wonderful that I get to share this journey with her, with all my family, with my church, my community, my friends. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. It is hard to let others share in our responsibilities, but such a huge blessing as well. Out of fear, have you ever found yourself refusing to let others help you? I remember Adela’s first week of school. It was like dejavu. She came home after a full day of school and opened up a folder full of homework. I remembered those days. It was school that made me develop the habit of waiting. Perhaps you were like me too. School was like a long-term job that would get you somewhere else. I lived for the day I would have more control over my life. I waited for things and life to change. A habit of waiting is a dangerous, toxic, thing. You see, there is always going to be something about the season of life we are in that makes us feel like we living in wait for tomorrow. We wait for a time where we have more job security, my financial stability, more free time, children who are more mature or independent, more friends…the list goes on and on and on. I stared at Adela’s homework folder and struggled. It took me a long time to realize how important it was to break the habit of waiting and start drawing on the joy and blessing of the moment. How can I help Adela realized this a couple decades sooner than I did? Adela finished her snack and asked me if she could go play. I shook my head. “First, we are going to do your homework.” That first week was hard. However, by the second week Adela had accepted the rhythm of the school day. She didn’t always want to do the school work, but we both enjoyed sharing what she was doing at school. And, as we settled into the third week I realized that Adela was doing something that I had always found difficult to do: she was finding joy in the moment. If we can learn to do this, we can get through life with a beautiful attitude and cultivate a deep relationship with God. Finding joy in every moment fuels our faith in the deep and endless love of our Heavenly Father. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Have you ever found yourself stuck in a habit of waiting? “Mama. Can I have a quarter?” We were headed to albuqueruqe with a couple hours still left on the road. I shrugged, “Sure, you may have a quarter. What do you want to buy with it?” Adela’s voice rose in frustration. “No. Not a quarter—a quarter!” I let out a breath. Obviously we weren’t talking about the same thing. “Okay.” I raised an eyebrow in the rearview mirror. “What are you going to do with the quarter.” Adela sighed. “I’m going to eat it. I’m going to eat it just like the pigs.” I laughed. “You mean like your piggy bank? Like the piggy bank at your abuelos house?” Adela’s voice rose louder yet. “No! Its not funny! I want a quarter. Not like the dinero. Like un Rincon where the mice are.” We went back and forth like this for a long time. Adela’s language is so much better, but when she can’t say that key word right, we both end up very frustrated. Our “quarter” conversation ended with me telling her we needed to stop talking about "quarters" it for a while. A couple weeks later, Jovani brought home a brown bag full of fresh ears of corn. Adela squealed in glee and asked, “Oh, Mama, can we eat quarters like a pig?” She demonstrated with her hands, a big smile on her face. Everything clicked into place. "Quarter" sounds similar to "corncob" and "corner". Rincon in Spanish means corner. We have two kids’ books where the pigs are eating corn on the cob. I chuckled and grabbed up that goofy girl in a hug. Miscommunication causes so much hurt in the world. From Adela’s little frustration to generational rifts in families, when people are unable or unwilling to express what is going on the misunderstanding results in pain. Goodness, I did it just the other day. I was horribly grumpy, especially towards my husband. I didn’t quite understand the mood myself, but I let him know that I was “So tired of all of this.” You can guess, things were a little off between us, that night. After I spent some quiet time in prayer, I realized that I had short-changed myself on quiet time and rest time for over a week while I tried to meet various demands. And then, because I have an amazing spouse who almost always saves me, I turned to him to fix something I didn’t quite know was wrong. Sometimes, when our thoughts and emotions are twisting into negativity and anger, our words stopping making sense and simply are hurtful. And, on the flip side of that, we need to ask God to help us listen to people with our hearts and spirit and not just our heads. People, especially hurting people, are not often wise in the words they use. That is when it is so important that God fills us with His mercy and love. Like Adela and her "pigs eating quarters" phrase we might not always understand the people around us, but that should never change the way we love them. A soft answer turns away wrath, Have you ever been in a situation when all your words came out wrong and someone was hurt? Micaela’s nails dug into my calf muscles. I didn’t know whether to cry or yell or both. She hadn’t napped and hadn’t stopped wanting constant attention all day. The house was in shambles, toys and dirty dishes everywhere. For the first few months of this phase, we had respite care and I could find some emotional and mental breaks. But, when school started our amazing caregiver, Shaylee, went to college. That same week Adela started Kindergarten leaving me at home alone with a frustrated, angry, needy Micaela. I started to wonder if I was going to survive. I think I began to fall into a mild depression. My bubbly optimism vanished and my mask of happiness began to crack and dissolve. During one of the sessions where I was teaching Bible Study to adults, someone encouraged me to start listening to an online ministry, seedbed.com. The first lesson I listened to about Psalm 13, moved my soul towards healing. In this short, 6-verse David, the writer, goes from asking God how long he must suffer to praising God. The psalmist is able to do this because he clings to the memories of all the times God has saved him. I listened to the words of the devotional and let out a deep breath of relief. There was something else to focus on, something else to pay attention to—remembering how God has intervened in my life. I was lost in the torment of the moment, the horror that my life would consist of this event over and over until Micaela moved out of this phase. Those thoughts threatened to seal the lid on lost days, weeks, and months. Ah, but praise… Sometimes that old adage “Thank God for your blessings,” makes you get stuck in the rut of trying to figure out all the things that are good about this moment alone. That can be difficult—very difficult. However, if we have been walking with God long at all, we have memory upon memory of being saved by our Heavenly Father. As Micaela cried and yelled, I remembered Adela going through this exact same stage. I remember how lost I felt, how miserable. I remember worrying that I was handling it all wrong. However, God guided me through it and Adela today is turning into an amazing child that I love spending time with. God is good. Hope is powerful. Through countless hard moments and seasons of my life I am blessed to own the tagline, "But God was with her." And when I'm wading through the valleys, I know I am not alone. But God was with him Do you have memories of being saved by your loving God that give you strength during the hard days? It was such a little problem, but as the months turned to years and we started to prepare for preschool, Micaela’s chewing habit became worrisome. At first I did what many parents do, I tried to brush it off. I said, “She doesn’t try to eat thing or swallow them, she is just exploring a little.” But, when teachers became concerned with her interaction in the school classroom I realized I needed to “fix” the problem. I spent months working on the behavior at home. Every time Micaela would start chewing on something I would take it away, talk to her sternly, and hand her something edible. I made no progress. Micaela started going into corners to munch on her favorite textures. God must have felt the worries of my heart, because he started sending little pieces of the puzzle my way. First, one of her therapists listened to my concerns and said that Micaela’s chewing wasn’t exploratory, it was more like self-soothing. She pointed out that adults do the same thing with chewing gum. A friend who teaches DD-Pre was visiting and observed Micaela’. She told me about Oral Motor necklaces. It is something that a child can wear around their neck and chew on whenever they are needing that kind of soothing. I ordered one right away. When they came in Micaela was interested for a few days and then cast it aside. Her respite care provider mentioned that it was too bad the necklace didn’t have Velcro on it since Micaela loved that texture the most. I added Velcro to the necklace. Finally, Micaela was set. Micaela now rarely chews on anything but one of her necklaces if she knows where they are. Yesterday, I placed a couple in her bag and one around her neck before she got on the bus. I wanted to share this with you, because this problem could not have been solved without the input with others. It required me to be honest with the people around me. How often do we try not to speak of faults or habits because we are embarrassed? What if solutions and invaluable advice are waiting for us? We will never know if we never talk about it. No one wants to show others their weaknesses. We want to always appear strong and able, but we rarely find healing and solutions while working alone. If something is holding you back from talking to others about a hurt or habit, ask God to give you the courage and the right person to bring your problem to. Don’t try to solve it alone. Let yourself be loved. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Have you ever received amazing solutions and advice because you had the courage to open up to others? |
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