Sometimes We Need to Trust We've Been Put in the Right Place
His shrill bleating cut into the air. I cringed and dumped grain to the horses. I turned my face into the cool breeze and watched the lamb trotting along the fence line. His black nose searched frantically for an opening that would fit his fat wooly body. No luck. He opened his mouth wide and cried.
I bit my lip and shook my head. My shoulders slumped as I went to the hay and began forking it for our horses. I could head back to the house and make him another bottle. I could tell myself it was the last one. I had weaned him so gently, so carefully. I had timed it so that his body would be large and strong. I had slowly cut back the ounces so that it wouldn't be a shock to his system. None of that mattered. He was placed like a little prince in a field of alfalfa with fresh water and food perfect for his growing body. However, that did not stop his eyes from following my every move, waiting for me to relieve him of his miserable and lost state.
It felt nice to put the girls on the bus Monday morning. We are back to a normal routine. Last week we went through an epilepsy study at Phoenix Children's Hospital where they hooked Micaela up to an EEG machine and slowly weaned her from her anti-seizure meds. They were trying to pinpoint the precise locations in her brain causing the seizures. However, the first seizure on Wednesday afternoon was so long and so difficult to stop, that the neurologist deemed it too risky to continue the study. We might never know if Micaela would be a canidate for laser ablation surgery. Our consolation prize was an appointment with a neuroseurgon to discuss implanting a VNS. It wouldn't be a cure but simply another treatment with the hope of better coverage than medication alone.
How did life get so crazy? Sometimes my mind drifts back to a time before children and the fears and challenges that come with parenting. Eight years ago we were living in Argentina. My only job was as a tag-a-long to Jovani's adventures. Most days I had felt like a peaceful island sitting in an ocean of quiet hours. Now my life fills, bursting at the seems. Like my little dogey lamb, I stick my nose through the fence and question where God has placed me.
I chuckle. My lamb sounds utterly pathetic to my ears. I hate his distress, but I also know with perfect confidence that he is capable of thriving right where he is now. I also know that a diet of sweet milk alone wouldn't sustain his growing body. He needs more. I am caring for him well by pushing him out into the pasture.
God has done the same. He would never of placed me here if both I and my relationship with Him, were not ready for the wilder terrain. Sure, I long for the simpler life, but I will thrive right were I am. I just have to trust, turn my nose to the challenges and proceed to build some spiritual muscle, some mental tenacity, and some emotional endurance.
Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
In what ways are you growing and maturing in the challenges you face today?