Day 10, Why are You Really Upset?

Micaela’s staring spells were complete agony. It was always (and still is) worse on days when she was stressed or exhausted. Fearing that the spells were more seizures, I would find myself staring at her, watching her, coming to her the moment she grew still. I would have a huge knot in my stomach by the end of the day, a feeling I can only describe as a stomach migraine. Eventually, I found a coaching tool that unballed that stomach pain and led me closer to my Savior. 

Jeremiah 33:3 from the ESV states, “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.” I think our God wants us to look deeper into ourselves and who He is in order to find the love and peace we really crave. In self-coaching this is simple, you to keep repeating the same question until the lightbulb moment. You can either ask, “Why does this bother you?” or “Why is this a problem?”

Let me show you: 
Lora, why are Micaela’s staring spells a problem? Because I don’t know what is going on.
Why is this a problem? Because I don’t know how to fix it.
Why is this a problem? Because I can’t help her or change it.
Why is this a problem? Because what if something bad happens?
Why is this a problem? Because what if it is something I can fix but I didn’t?
Why is this a problem? I can’t live with a mistake that could cause irrevocable pain on my child.
Why is this a problem? It would mean I am bad. 

Okay, I know it looks awful. In the end I was more concerned about me than the welfare of my baby girl, but it was also honest. It was the real pain, the one I could take to God. I took that to God and He filled me with love and the reminder that I am His and Micaela is His also. He is the one in control. I am His servant doing His will. I am not broken. I am Holy and completely redeemed. Every mistake is His precious plan, growing me and sanctifying me with every step of my life. He loves me and He loves Micaela. 

This conversation with God was one of the most healing moments of my life. When I live in those truths I don’t need a single worldly pleasure to bring me comfort. I’ve got it all. But until I brought this deeper pain to Him instead of the more superficial request for Micaela’s staring spells to leave (which is still worthy of prayer, don’t get me wrong) I didn’t get to have the deep conversation with my God about my fears. 

Today, for your journal prompt I want you to pick a problem or situation that is totally stressing you out. Then, ask yourself (or have a mature friend ask you) either “Why is this a problem?” or “Why does this bother you?” Keep going until you find that lightbulb moment then ask God to heal you and show you His truth. 

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