I’m a teacher and that means I interact with human beings for a living, and not just casually either. I’m building relationships and caring deeply about their futures and success. I’m also a mom and wife and find that so much my own well-being is wrapped around how my family is doing. I’m a friend, a daughter, a sister, and an aunt. I’m a neighbor, church member, and coworker. I bet you could list quite a lot of your own titles as well. The reason I want you to think about this is because each one of those relationships creates an opportunity for additional stress in your life. And this is normal. You are HUMAN. Therefore, with the holidays and the heightened opportunities for interacting with others while you and they might be experiencing some additional stress, I want to offer you some thoughts that might keep you from adding additional stress to your own life. #1: You are not responsible for other people’s reactions or feelings This might sound harsh but it is 100% truth. You are responsible for your own actions and feelings. At the end of the day, you can have effects on others but they still get to choose. For example: Let’s say that all I wanted to do Sunday evening was change into my pajamas, get under my most cozy throw-blanket, and read my favorite book. Then, my favorite friends in the world decide to stop by, knowing we would be home. Let’s say that I also had a splitting headache and hadn’t got any sleep the night before. At this point so many choices can be made. I could invite them in and decide to enjoy the time with them, use words and actions to let them know they are welcomed and loved. Or when they show up, I could be rude and cranky and let them know that they have made things worse by showing up uninvited and unexpected. I get to choose how to react. But, they also get to choose how to react. In every moment of our lives, God gives us agency over our actions and our words. For years I carried so much worry and guilt because I was constantly attributing other people's actions and words to my own choices, even when they weren’t connected at all. I have to tell you, as a wife, mom, and teacher I have so much more peace when I give people the best of me and then allow them to be and act however they choose. #2: Stop being a victim. Awful terrible things happen to everyone. We for sure need healing for those things and God is the most incredible and loving provider of that healing. But, often we refuse to find that healing or allow it to cure us, because we are stuck in the role of a victim. I see this often when people get especially stressed: You might decide you really need a drink because so-and-so said those terrible things to you. Or, there is no way you can enjoy that party because your spouse was being rude. When we live in the victim role we let go of all our power we could have over a situation and instead wallow in what others have said or done. I’ve never seen women be successful in their desire to become healthy or establish life-giving practices when they are living in that victimized state. Psychologists assert time and again that we are at our best when we take responsibility and agency over our present and move forward instead of focusing on the the poor choices of others. You’ll feel this in your prayer life, too. There is a world of difference between crying out to God to fix your child so they will stop being so rude to you and asking God to fill you with His love and healing touch so that you can be the mom who is full of truth and patience. #3: You are always the one choosing. Unless someone is physically forcing you to eat something then you are the one choosing to eat that. Just a few moments ago I opened up the jar of peanut butter and downed three scoops. I didn’t have to. Yes, I was hungry and my options aren’t plentiful for soft palatable foods having come back from the dentist with a sore mouth and trying to avoid dairy. But, I wasn’t forced to eat that. In fact, there is something incredibly freeing about saying out loud, “I choose to eat 3 scoops of peanut butter to appease my hunger.” If you’re not owning the choice you might feel either victimized by lack of options or ashamed by supposed lack of self-control. I tell you what, weighing the choices and taking ownership of your decisions is incredibly empowering. Then you won’t be playing the blame game on yourself or anyone else. This practice will help you reduce stress, anxiety, and anger in many situations involving your actions and words, sweet sister. As we enter into this season of joy and celebration of our Lord, I pray that you find peace in your relationships. I know that having strife among our friends and family is one of the most difficult things to bear no matter what time of the year, but I especially know that it can be heartbreaking during the holidays. I hope these three truths, though they might be difficult to swallow at times, fill you with strength. Blessing to you, my dear. We’ll talk next week. Good bye for now!
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#112, Two Things that Will Help You at the Thanksgiving Day Table (Or Any Food-Centered Gathering)11/21/2023 If you have made it this far in the game and still feel like you are staying committed to your holiday weight loss or maintenance goals or simply honoring your body with those good choices, then you will still want to listen to this episode. Also, if you feel yourself on nutritional rocky ground these days then really pay attention to what we talk about today. In this episode I am going to break down two things you can do that will help you make wise choices at the Thanksgiving Day Table without leaving you feeling like you're in diet prison. This isn’t just an important concept for Thanksgiving, either, there are many food-centered gatherings from birthday parties to get-togethers with friends that will find you leaning toward choices that neither serve your body nor your plans. I love big dinners, especially when I get to cook them. I don’t so much love the dishes, but I love putting in all the work, seeing it come together, and then enjoying that dinner with family. My younger brother likes to jokingly warn people to stay out of the kitchen because he says, “We’re just getting in the way of her choreography.” And, to be honest, that is how it feels. As a farm and ranch wife, there are plenty of opportunities for cooking large meals for many people. So, this is a situation I find myself in often and I really like it. That being said, it is so easy to go overboard when there is so much good food and the activity feels special or important in some way. And, some dinners, like Thanksgiving, really do come around only once a year. How do we combat this, staying in the driver’s seat while simultaneously enjoying the experience? There are two means I use regularly in this situation to make good choices and feel at peace. The first is a tool and the second is a thought. 1.The Hunger Scale 2. A truth The first thing I use is the hunger scale. I like to make sure I’m really hungry before I sit down at the Thanksgiving Day table. This requires me to not be nibbling and snacking on everything as I cook. Next, when I sit down to eat I make sure that I drink 8 oz of water before I come to the table and have at least 8 oz of water in front of me. Next, I eat and savor my food. When I reach the point that I could still go for a brisk walk after the meal but couldn’t go on a jog then I have reached my sweet spot on the hunger scale. At that point I’m done. I don’t finish what is on my plate, get desert, or go back for seconds. And, I don’t eat again until I’m hungry. This is important too because many food-centered gatherings, just like Thanksgiving, go on for hours and you can eat pre-dinner, dinner, and after-dinner delights for a very long time. Now, let's talk about the thought. It is truly important that you have truthful and powerful things to say to yourself whenever your brain offers dessert, wants to go back for seconds, or desires to start grazing on the appetizers. Now, not any thought will work. You have to think like you were talking to a toddler or teenager. This thought has to be honest, kind, and firm. For example, if my brain wanted to go munch on the chips and dips I could say. “I’m fine. That would just make me feel bloated later since I ate enough food already. I could always make that for myself tomorrow.” Do you notice how all those thoughts are true, bring hope into the conversation, are firm? Let me tell you that this combination in your thought is powerful and will help you take steps that you can be proud of later. So, there you have it, when you sit down in front of the Thanksgiving table. I pray that you are able to use these two tools with success. Remember as you enjoy your food-centered gathering, use the hunger scale and take command of the thoughts in your brain with truth, peace, and firmness. Well, I am off. I’ll be back next week with another great episode all about staying healthy in the holidays. Until then, all my love. Talk to you next week! I have been there, too. Lunch comes around and I stare at the wonderfully packed over-night oats I brought to work. I distinct voice in my head says: “I don’t want to.” and I’m overwhelmed with longing for a candy bar or something loaded with salt and grease that would make my heart happy (just not very healthy). I tend to panic, needing my brain to be on board with my choices or else French fries and chocolate bars will soon be shoved in my mouth. So what do you do when you just don’t want to? I’ve got some great ideas for you. This is going to be a fun one. Micaela’s favorite word is still, “No.” and it is interesting because she uses that word to give her space. She literally says no because she needs time to think, a lot longer time than most people. But “no” doesn’t always mean, “I won’t” it means “I won’t right this second.” I’ve noticed we often give in or feel discouraged when we realize we don’t want to be healthy or follow through with our healthy choices. We might then believe that we don’t have enough will-power or that we aren’t motivated enough. This is far from the truth. We actually instead are probably struggling with some emotional or physical needs and we actually just need a moment to process what those are. Micaela’s tendency to say no is a powerful tool. It doesn’t just give her space, it also helps all her caregivers from school to home, become more aware of what she might be feeling. Today I want to encourage you to do the same thing for your own moments of “Don’t want to” so you can take even better care of yourself and find even more determination and commitment to your health goals. This is expert-level weight loss advice. So, let's dive in!
Micaela and her caregivers are always using her, “NO!” to go through the exact same process. 1. We ask her to notice how she is feeling emotionally and physically. 2. We ask her and ourselves what she might be needing or missing. 3. We address the true problem. 4. We set good expectations for follow through for Micaela and everyone involved. So, as you stay committed to your health choices, even through this Holiday season, remember to address that thought of “I don’t want to” by #1: Noticing the thought, #2 asking what is going on, #3: finding healthy solutions, and #4 making a plan for next time. I don’t know about you, but I am really enjoying this time of year. I love the events and the activity. I have my fall break coming up just next week where my husband, girls, and family will spend really amazing time together. I pray that you have a blessed week. Good bye for now! The holidays aren’t just loaded with activities and social gatherings that come with all our favorite foods, we are also usually given food items as gifts. In fact, I remember growing up here in rural New Mexico, we had tons of neighbors and friends giving us food. We received anything from tamales to wrapped sweet breads to tins of chocolates. There were definitely items that we looked forward to each year and there was no way I was going to turn down that experience. I still look forward to those gifts. I love enjoying them, giving honest compliments, and giving my own offerings of sweet treats. The question becomes, how do we accept food gifts, enjoy them, and still stay healthy throughout the holidays. I’ve got some great hacks for you today. This year I want to give out gift bags of sugar-cinnamon pecans. Last year Adela and I spent hours baking and creating cookies, and it was way more stressful than I cared for it to be. So, this year I planned an item that could be made ahead and stored then brought out and packaged when it came time to give things away. Sorry, this is a total spoiler alert for my coworkers and family, but it is important to me that I’m honest with you about how I felt about gifts of food. I don’t think they are necessary or the only thing to give during the holidays. I truly enjoy over the candles and soaps and mugs we receive during this time of the year as well. However, it is such an integrated part of our culture that we really can’t get away from it. This week’s podcast centers on what to do if you are given food items AND you want to enjoy them. This is totally optional. Not everything you are offered needs to be ate or drank. But we can all probably name that treat that we anticipate each year or the special person we won’t say “no” to. So, with that in mind, here are some tips to help you stay in control and stay healthy as you enjoy the season:
It was so fun having this chat with you. Once again I want to encourage you by reminding you that God made food to be enjoyable, as a blessing to our lives and I pray that you find that balance as you both enjoy those gifts during the holiday season and continue to honor God with making healthy choices for your body. All my love to you! I’ll talk with you next week. |
by Lora ArmendarizYou Can Do It!Do you want to fall out of love with a destructive habit? The first 42 episodes of this podcast are a resource for anyone who wants encouragement and information as they take a six week break from a habit in order to fall out of love with it. Archives
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