#58, Why You Should Have a Personal Rewards List and How to Make One

A lot of ladies that come to me for coaching have some habit that they would like to stop, but it is also their way of coping--even if it is toxic. The problem usually is, that they just don't know what to do if they made it through a hard day or have something to celebrate without turning to tub of icecream or the TV remote. And, those rewards end up being less than rewarding. When the last bite is eaten or the screen is turned off, they feel like something is still missing. 

A personalized reward list is one of the more fun coaching tips that I like to give out. First, I’m going to give you some basic reasons why it is important to have one, then I’ll lead you through some simple steps to creating one of your very own. 

A personal reward list is full of things that give you pleasure and leave you feeling fulfilled. I think everyone should have one. It gives you resources to turn to when you need some self care or have something to celebrate, without falling back into coping mechanisms that don’t support whatever goals are important to you.

For example, if you have health goals then your rewards list would only include items that keep you on track with your diet expectations and allow you to get in bed at an hour that is right for you. 

Another example is, if you have the goal of being debt free, then your rewards are going to be things that you thoroughly enjoy, but that don’t involve making spontaneous purchases each time you have a rough day.

Okay, Lora, you might say. Sounds great, but those self-care lists never really work for me. 

Yeah, me, too. I spent years looking at Pinterest infographics on self-care with my nose wrinkled wondering how a face mask was going to fix things. But, then I discovered some really important things about personal rewards. So, let me share some things that will creating a personal rewards list that makes you smile:

1. Your personality is key. Before getting started, consider taking a personality quiz. My two favorites are the Enneagram and the Five Love Languages. For the rewards list, the Five Love Languages is very easy to use.
2. Google it. Yeah, I know, but stick the results of that personality quiz into a search engine and see what some experts have to say about how different personalities do self-care best. It is an eye opener. What really makes one person tick, isn’t exciting at all to their neighbor. Don’t you love it that God made us all so unique?
3. Find a way to write a list that you can access from your phone or in a notebook/planner that you always have with you. There are two reasons for this: 1. You have the list ready when you need it. 2. You have that list to add to when something sparks your interest.
4. Start a list. Write down anything, new or old, that seems to fit your personality.  If it is something you know you love, put a star by it. If you try something and it really didn’t do it for you, cross it out. 
5. USE YOUR LIST. I’m serious. Set deliberate dates or circumstances that you will use this reward list. When your brain starts to realize you are not going to leave it in the mush of trying to muddle through, but can rely on some good refilling and soul-refueling, you will find that your attitude is lifted and your smile comes straight from a well-loved heart. 

I’m a type 1 on the enneagram and my love languages are acts of service and physical affection.

Okay, let me share ten of my favorites on my own rewards list:

1. Organizing. Drawers, cabinets, pantry…anything in my physical surroundings that I can make more structured or pretty makes me feel happy and peaceful.
2. Journaling and prayer journaling. Getting my thoughts and/or conversations down on paper refuel my soul in amazing ways. There is neuroscience behind how journaling helps you create new thought patterns in your brain so it is no wonder it leaves me feeling settled. 
3. Coloring, doodling, etc. Doing something that is sort of mindless and without purpose relaxes my always busy brain and allows me to see things from a different perspective. 
4. “Shopping” on Amazon and adding things to private lists for fun (No purchase necessary).
5. Singing, especially worship songs. It is not just how the music changes my thoughts and lifts my attitude, but it also lets me feel closer to God who loves me.
6. Dance break. I put on the music loud and invite the girls into a 5-minute shake & twirl fiesta. 
7. Cooking. I love the whole dance that goes into preparing a meal. I usually do it without any podcasts or TV on. It is such an active chore that fills the senses and I think some part of me simply enjoys orchestrating an eating experience that my family will enjoy. 
8. Massage Chair. I used a teaching bonus from last spring to buy a top-notch massaging chair cover. It does a 15-minute circuit and it is such a treat, plus it commands me to stop for a few minutes. 
9. Reading a Devotional. I love devotionals. They are usually very quick and full of uplifting words, giving you deep wisdom to soothe a sore soul. 
10. Get outside in nature. Lastly, I get wrapped up in a world of worries, and sometimes the only way to ease it is to get outside and away from the chores. I am lucky to live on our farm, and seeing nature, no matter the season, reconnects me to reality and God’s provision and loving rhythms, making it easier to rest in Him. 

Our world and culture loves to throw at us self-care that isn’t self-caring at all. From eating junk to spending our money recklessly to binging on mindless drama, we have to fight back by finding better ways to reclaim our health and freedom. 

So, each of you has some really fun homework this week. I want you to create a personal rewards list, and if you have one, I want you to give it a loving make-over. Don’t forget to consider looking into personality quizzes and self-care research as you do this. And, I would love it if any of you got on Facebook or Instagram and let me know what your top rewards are.

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