I knew exactly how to handle my temptation to graze: work harder. Literally, that has been my solution for many moments when I knew my brain would want to start a binge session. I would work hard: cleaning, writing, organizing, gardening. Anything that required brainpower and manpower could keep me out of the pantry. This was especially true during the girls’ younger years when the reason for my binging was to escape the stress and demands of raising toddlers and caring for a little one with intense developmental and medical needs. The problem was, I couldn’t stay busy forever. My already exhausted mind and body would rebel and then those cravings were bigger and more intense than ever. The funny thing about cravings, though, is that they are scarier and more intense when we are running from them. When I was first taught the concept of sitting with an urge, I was skeptical. There was no way I wanted to give that feeling my full attention. But, when I did, I noticed that it shrank away and came in waves that petered out. It reminded me so much of a toddler tantrum. With a toddler tantrum we can try to discipline or ignore but eventually if we give in next time that toddler is ready to go even longer. However, when we sit with them, drama-free and more curious than emotional, often the tantrum is over and the child is ready to move on. Do this with that urge, that craving. Sit in a quiet place. Notice where you feel it physically. Ask what you are thinking about that item or activity you want. Curiously ask why that urge originated from. Set a timer and give the urge your full attention for a few minutes. You might notice that it goes away quickly and is not as intense as you thought it was. There is an amazing passage in Philippians chapter 4. Paul speaks about worry and anxiety then he follows it all by saying that he has learned to be content in every circumstance, whether he is in need or in want because, he says, “I can do all things through God who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13). That ability to be content, to sit in acceptance of a circumstance, is what gives us strength to not struggle in cravings for things that can’t and don’t serve us. Journal prompt: What do your cravings feel like? When do they seem to happen the most? Where do you feel them in your body? What thoughts come up for you when the cravings are strongest? What happens when you sit quietly with that craving for a few moments?
0 Comments
For a few years in high school, I got really into role-playing video games. I loved it. For hours I would dive into another world and live out a reality that was not mine. When I played those games I would get lost for hours. I am so thankful that my parents put a limit on this activity or else I might not have had a life outside of that clunky old computer. It feels weird thinking back on that season, twenty years ago, but I still have that propensity toward doing activities that bring me pleasure and allow me to escape. In Genesis 1:31, NLT, it states, “Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.” God created a beautiful process in our brains, making sure we went after those good things. He gave us hormones and chemicals like dopamine and endorphins. He designed us to experience pleasure. However, the moment that what brings us those feel-good vibes crosses over into the realm of super processed or synthetic pleasure, something changes. We actually receive a bigger hit from man-made pleasure than natural ones. For example, a cup of fruit juice triggers a greater release of dopamine than eating an apple whole. Watching a drama on TV is more thrilling than playing card games with our family. Trying to win a thousand bucks on a scratcher ticket is much more exciting than working for a couple weeks for the same paycheck. Those easy wins and highs make normal pleasure seem less sparkly and attractive. That is why we often have to take a break from vices to really begin to enjoy our natural world again. When I take long breaks from processed food, I notice the depth of flavor of whole food. When I take a break from TV, the conversations at the dinner table are so much more enjoyable. That is just the way it is. We have to deliberately take a break from those things to find balance again. Today, I want you to actively search for the natural pleasures in your world that seemed less exciting when your old habit was around. For example, I have noticed that laughing with my girls is the perfect way to ease stress when before I was drawn to grazing on whatever sweet and crunchy food was available in the pantry. Now that I know this, it has become something I go after instead of dismissing it in search of that bigger hit that didn’t serve my body or my life. Journal Prompt: Have you noticed yourself enjoying naturally occurring pleasures in your life more as you take a break from your old habit? What are they? How could you regularly incorporate them into your life? What else would you like to try? I felt like a wacky puritanical nut-job. It was a birthday party of a friend a couple years ago and I had finally realized that regularly consuming sugar and alcohol messed with my mind. In other words, if I wasn’t careful I would start to want cupcakes or wine to deal with every moment of my life. I was trying to figure out just how much I could consume in order for cravings to not take over. That meant that I had to take breaks and I had already decided that the birthday party wouldn’t be a good time for me to tempt fate too much. I drank water and stayed away from the feast, but happily ate the amazing meal our host provided. I had a great time until another mom noticed that I hadn’t had any of the birthday cake. I made the mistake of explaining why and all the sudden felt like a freak. The mom had so many questions coupled with a lot of poor advice and excuses for her own consumption of cake. Then she went and told a couple other ladies at the party. It felt so awkward. Plus, I could tell that my choices had made them feel uncomfortable, too. I learned so much from that moment, namely that often the best thing to do is let your yes be yes and your no be no and give as little details as possible (see Day 3). I also feel like it is incredibly important to embrace the truth that every precious person on this planet is on their own path. Only God knows the plans He has for them. Each one of us tackles problems and issues in the exact order that God has lined out for our unique journey. However, people are still going to react to our choices. In 1 Peter 4:4 the disciple even writes, “Of course, your former friends are surprised when you no longer plunge into the flood of wild and destructive things they do. So they slander you.” This will be so true for the people that do not truly know and love you and simply feel judged by your choices. Hold space for these moments, guarding your heart and holding on to the truth that you are growing healthier every moment. Journal Prompt: What is the essential truth behind why you are making these changes? If someone has been unpleasant about your choices, why do you think they reacted that way? How can you give others grace when they don’t understand? I was a worrier from birth, or, that is the way I’ve always seen it. Some of my earliest memories were full of worry. I had ulcers at the age of eight. I was on anxiety medicine for heart pain in highschool. In college I started having panic attacks that were so brutal I even called the ambulance once. However, anxiety at this level could not coexist in my world where my husband is an adventurous educated cowboy. I had to deliberately come to grips with my worry when Jovani packed us off to Patagonia, Argentina. My healing began then because I finally chose to believe that anxiety didn’t have to be my identity. This was hard. My own mother toted the title of anxiety and was on medication for decades. I could have easily thrown the towel in and said it was inherent, but, though I also believe that some things are passed down from parents, I also believe that God can always choose to heal us. There was no flip-a-switch scenario here. I’m still working on that worry. However, it is no longer my master. When I coach ladies I see two approaches to chronic issues: “That is just the way I am.” or “This is something I’m working on.” The first slams a door in the face of change and there is nothing that I or the Spirit of God can do until that door starts to budge open again. Now, God might bang on that door, giving you circumstances or situations violent enough to shake the foundations of your life, but He allows us to make a choice. Matthew 7:7 says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” But, we have to ask. And, in order to ask, some part of us has to believe that change and healing is possible, even if it has to come by the hand of our powerful God. I want to challenge you today to ask God to work with the part of you that you feel like just can’t change. I know some of you deal with real and deep hurt. Maybe you will never be 100% free of depression or you might always have a physical medical condition. That might be part of God’s plan for you. The difference is, that you can become the person who asks God to strengthen and grow you instead of being the person that throws the towel in and believes that nothing can change. Journal prompt: Go to a quiet place and ask God to show you an area that you have denied Him access to out of a belief that it is unchangeable. Ask Him to show you the first baby step forward. What is that step? What do you believe about yourself? What do you believe about God? Micaela’s staring spells were complete agony. It was always (and still is) worse on days when she was stressed or exhausted. Fearing that the spells were more seizures, I would find myself staring at her, watching her, coming to her the moment she grew still. I would have a huge knot in my stomach by the end of the day, a feeling I can only describe as a stomach migraine. Eventually, I found a coaching tool that unballed that stomach pain and led me closer to my Savior. Jeremiah 33:3 from the ESV states, “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.” I think our God wants us to look deeper into ourselves and who He is in order to find the love and peace we really crave. In self-coaching this is simple, you to keep repeating the same question until the lightbulb moment. You can either ask, “Why does this bother you?” or “Why is this a problem?” Let me show you: Lora, why are Micaela’s staring spells a problem? Because I don’t know what is going on. Why is this a problem? Because I don’t know how to fix it. Why is this a problem? Because I can’t help her or change it. Why is this a problem? Because what if something bad happens? Why is this a problem? Because what if it is something I can fix but I didn’t? Why is this a problem? I can’t live with a mistake that could cause irrevocable pain on my child. Why is this a problem? It would mean I am bad. Okay, I know it looks awful. In the end I was more concerned about me than the welfare of my baby girl, but it was also honest. It was the real pain, the one I could take to God. I took that to God and He filled me with love and the reminder that I am His and Micaela is His also. He is the one in control. I am His servant doing His will. I am not broken. I am Holy and completely redeemed. Every mistake is His precious plan, growing me and sanctifying me with every step of my life. He loves me and He loves Micaela. This conversation with God was one of the most healing moments of my life. When I live in those truths I don’t need a single worldly pleasure to bring me comfort. I’ve got it all. But until I brought this deeper pain to Him instead of the more superficial request for Micaela’s staring spells to leave (which is still worthy of prayer, don’t get me wrong) I didn’t get to have the deep conversation with my God about my fears. Today, for your journal prompt I want you to pick a problem or situation that is totally stressing you out. Then, ask yourself (or have a mature friend ask you) either “Why is this a problem?” or “Why does this bother you?” Keep going until you find that lightbulb moment then ask God to heal you and show you His truth. My picky eater, Adela, is such a wonder. She loved my cooking habits this school year. Yes, there were MANY chicken nugget nights, or noodles, or quesadillas. So, now that I’m back to the habit of cooking for the family three square meals, Adela has had to broaden her pallet because her growing active body demands fuel. Already this summer she has found three new foods that she had deemed “disgusting” before. Yes, I’ve done a very dorky mommy-dance each time. However, that lack of her normal options forced her to grow forward. I might not be a nine-year old, but I know the same is true for me. When I make a permanent change, it requires me to investigate new possibilities. When I took a break from sugar I discovered that I love black coffee. When I took a break from secular fiction books, I discovered Christian podcasting. When I decided to stop checking social media right before bed every night I found sleep came quickly and deeply. Don’t let this six week journey just be about knuckling down and refusing old patterns. Instead, explore new roads. One of my favorite analogies for the work I do with those that I coach is telling them that habit change is just like a country road. A road in a pasture is easy to see and easy to use if it is traveled often. However, the more we stay off it, the more the bind weed and yucca’s take it over and there might not be a road at all one day. Proverbs 4:26, NIV, says, “Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.” Find a new road, my dear. Make one. Take hold of each new discovery of health and let it be precious. I want you to get a page in your journal, tape a note to the fridge, or start a note on an app for listing all the amazing discoveries you will find in this journey. This is your journal prompt: What are you learning from this challenge that has surprised you? What are you doing or learning that you will continue even after this six-week period is over? What are some new discoveries about your health, your personality, your support system, and your dreams? I had made the recipe a thousand times. It was my mom’s go-to recipe for baking powder biscuits in the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook. But this time…they weren’t horrible, but they were not the light, fluffy multi-layered wonders I had come to expect. Instead they were flat and dense but still edible with sausage gravy dumped on top. As the branding crew filed through my kitchen, filling their plates, I stared embarrassed at the brown lumpy failures lying on the pan. It would have been pretty easy to swear off homemade biscuits from that point forward. However, fast-forward seven years from that moment of defeat and just tonight I pulled out a pan of fluffy flaky biscuits that would have made my mom proud. Why? Because a fall down is only a defeat when we don’t learn and get back up. So, Lora, you might ask, what does that look like when you are talking about habit change? It is exactly the same way I dealt with the biscuits. Something went wrong. I made some theories then baked them again and again until I knew the intricacies of each step in the biscuit-making process. I’ll give you a real-time example from this week. It is summer and that means a different routine from the school year. This is fine and I do really well until afternoon snack time with the girls. I’m hungry enough to eat something but if I go all-in on whatever the treat of the day is, I have no appetite for a meal later. The other day, since it was a family meal and we were enjoying our time together, I went ahead and fixed a plate for myself as well and ate the entire thing though I was absolutely not hungry at all. It was a fall down, but one that I could learn from. I realized that I had choices about snack time that I wasn’t considering. The next day, I had only a small amount of the treat followed by an apple. At dinner my appetite was ready and I went to bed excited to have taken another step in the journey of health. That fall down had been a great opportunity to learn. But it is not an opportunity to learn and grow if you pile on shame or indulge the temptation longer out of feeling of failure. I love this verse in James 1:4, “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” NIV Perseverance isn’t enduring just when you have enough strength or everything goes as planned. Perseverance is committing to getting back up and learning each and every time we fall down. That is when we truly mature and don’t lack the Spirit’s power, love, and self-control. Journal Prompt: Why did you fall down? What did this teach you about YOU? What loving words do you need to tell yourself right now? What will you do to keep yourself strong next time?
I stared fixated on the small bowl of cream cheese drenched in green chile jelly. Next to it lay the package of bagels that I had left out for breakfast. I looked at it, considered it, and questioned why I was even taking this break from eating when I wasn’t physically hungry. I turned over the thoughts in my head like a potter crafting the perfect clay vessel to hold all the excuses for why I could give in just this once.
Have you ever done this? It feels a lot like playing with fire, doesn’t it? There is a psychologist, Joseph Lucianno who wrote about this exact moment. He said it was the moment we are at your tipping point and it helps to have a simple catch phrase ready such as, “Stop it, Drop it.” I also like to say: “That’s enough.” or “We’re done here.” One lady from a recent group said the phrase, “Stop looking at it.” helps her. That day (That real-time happened just a couple days ago) I jerked my chin up and told myself firmly, “That’s not happening.” And, as if the cravings were needing to see some backbone, they melted away as I turned and placed the food items back on shelves and out of sight. When you call out those thoughts that entertain your temptations, you are exposing them to the truth. You are exposing them for what they are: deceitful lies about why you should give in. In Ephesians 5:11 it says, “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.” ESV. Journal Prompt: What simple phrase could you utter the next time you find yourself entertaining your temptations? How does this phrase empower you and bring you back to God’s truth? I’m not the best gardener. In fact, I have to admit that most of my gardening exploits were fueled by my husband's joyful ambitions. My love for that guy has driven me out of the air conditioning and gotten dirt under my fingernails countless times. When we moved to the farm, we prepared a nice big backyard garden area, laid down some soaker hoses, and filled it with seeds. Moving on, three months later, harvesting vegetables made me feel like some sort of sweater itchy jungle explorer. I carefully waded through zucchinis, tomatoes, peppers, zucchinis and watermelon plants that had spread and grew so closely together that I couldn’t figure out where one plant ended and another began. It was an epic mess. The next year, we planned differently. Or, maybe I should just say, we actually made a plan. Things were easier and definitely more enjoyable. We knew what we wanted and what was important to us. Habit change is like this. We often begin with undefined and vague expectations such as: I want to drink less. I want to exercise more. I want to get more sleep. I want to eat healthier. The problem with these vague goals is that they give space for our teenage/toddler-like brain to argue with us. “You said we were eating healthier. Chocolate has calcium and antioxidants. I should be able to eat as much of it as I want.” Confusion and the consequential fall in confidence come quickly when we aren’t clear on what we want. The Devil, my friends, is ready to take advantage of it. In order to set up some successful boundaries, I want you to take a moment and define your habit change. I like the tried & true SMART goal-setting method. You can google this and find lots of information. Define a goal that is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. For example: For six weeks I will be only eating when I am physically hungry every day for 42 days because it will require me to stop emotional eating. I will finish by midnight of July 18. The Lord is our gardener. He prunes and plants seeds and watches closely over our growth. You are not doing this alone. The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11, NIV Journal prompt: Have you protected your habit change by setting a clear goal? Why or why not? Do you need more help in order to do this? Who could you ask? What do you need to pray about? I have lost count of how many days of my life I flung myself into terrible habits and health choices when things got crazy. I blamed it on sassy little girls, plans going awry, other people's terrible attitudes, children being sick, something on the farm breaking down… I did not want to take responsibility, not for the waylaid plans or the choices of others. I didn’t want to take responsibility for MY choices. I wanted to place the blame on others or circumstances. As I deflected responsibility I made myself a victim, a helpless victim of others. I took away all my power and refused the power of the Holy Spirit to give me strength and just dove into damaging my body or refusing to care for the precious vessel God has given me. When I look at God’s word, it is pretty obvious that He wants me to care for my body, not obsessively or one-mindedly, but with the same attitude of honor that I am asked to give the other blessings and resources He places in my life. When I deflect responsibility I don’t trust God to provide a way out of temptation and the power to keep going. (1 Corinthians 10:13) Today, as we move forward in our commitment to change, I want us to be sensitive to where we deflect blame and give the power of our lives over to others and circumstances. 2 Timothy 1:7 says: “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and self-control.” When the moment comes for you to be tempted to give up, ask God to fill you with power to make a good choice, love for yourself and others, and the self-control to keep moving forward. I am so proud of you. Journal Prompt: Where do you find yourself placing blame on others even though the choices were yours? What could you have done differently? How could love for yourself and others fuel your commitment to make a good choice? |
by Lora ArmendarizYou Can Do It!Do you want to fall out of love with a destructive habit? The first 42 episodes of this podcast are a resource for anyone who wants encouragement and information as they take a six week break from a habit in order to fall out of love with it. Archives
April 2024
|