I gripped the steering wheel. My stomach felt full of angry worms and my foot itched to slam on the brakes.
What was I doing? I should never have accepted her help. It is too big of a burden for her. Something will go wrong, and it will be my fault.
Every mile forward meant I was farther from control of my girls. My mind filled with the possibilities of Micaela having a seizure or falling off a tall object. My heart worried that Adela hadn’t got much love and attention from me that week while she was at school.
But what could I do? Turn around? What would my poor mother-in-law say if I showed up and guiltily try to convince her I had made a mistake? She had been so pleased to have her granddaughters for the weekend. She loves them so much.
My eyebrows pushed together. She loves them so much. I thought of the ice cream she had stashed in the freezer, all the tall kitchen chairs she had locked in the back bedroom, so Micaela wouldn’t climb, and the toys she had carefully arranged and stored that sat waiting for the girls.
Like a little piece of hurt was chipped away, a single thought melted my heart.
They are her girls, too.
It has been hard since the last seizure Micaela had. I have tightened my vigilant efforts to keep Micaela safe. Plus, with school in session for both the girls, I worry about providing them with all the support they need at home. However, when my loving Mother-in-law offered to take the girls for the weekend my tired mind immediately said, “Yes.”
They are her girls, too.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our responsibilities as a parent that we start to build walls around our children, protecting and controlling until we can no longer let anyone else in. I hadn’t realized I had been building that wall until that moment on the lonely ranch road leaving the girls behind.
My eyes filled with tears. I thanked God for the woman who with deep love and intuition would be caring for my children. I thanked God for her strength and caring. I asked God to bless the weekend for them and for me. I asked Him to move my heart to accept the blessings He brings into my life, especially when they seem to threaten my control.
They are her girls, too. How wonderful that I get to share this journey with her, with all my family, with my church, my community, my friends.
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
It is hard to let others share in our responsibilities, but such a huge blessing as well. Out of fear, have you ever found yourself refusing to let others help you?
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"...and God was already there with me."